Entries Tagged 'Sex Advice for Women' ↓

There are a few things women can learn from men about sex, and one of those things is to be a little single-minded about it. It seems that when men are in the mood, everything else becomes secondary. Body odor, guests, the Super Bowl – these things take a back seat if there’s a possibility of sex. Not so with women. Many women focus on all the reasons why it’s not the perfect moment for sex, instead of the one reason that it is – namely, that you’re about to get laid.

I know this because I am guilty of it. I have suddenly “had a headache” when faced with a sexual proposition because there were chores to be done, makeup to be applied, or people to worry about. And I’ve learned that more often than not, my worries were ridiculous, or at less important than an orgasm.

I don’t buy into the myth that women don’t like sex as much as men. I do, however, think that women have less permission to experience sexual desire in its most messy, untimely forms. So I say give yourself permission to get your groove on, and don’t let petty excuses get in your way. There’s plenty of things to consider when it comes to sex, but a fresh pedicure shouldn’t be on the top of that list. Here are 10 bad reasons to not have sex.

1. I haven’t shaved my legs. It’s a lot of work perpetuating the myth that women are hairless, and it’s okay to take a day off.
2. I didn’t brush my teeth. He probably didn’t either.
3. The laundry isn’t folded. It will be more fun to do after you orgasm.
4. We only have 10 minutes. You better get started then.
5. The kids/dinner guests/in-laws are in the other room. Make sure there is Disney/wine/more wine available, and then do it quickly and quietly.
6. I’m not wearing sexy panties. It would be great if every sexual encounter corresponded to cute bra and panty day, but they won’t be on long anyways.
7. I’m not in the mood. Ever. Women’s sexual desire can be complicated. If you haven’t been in the mood for sex in a long time, you may actually need to have sex to jumpstart your libido. Or visit your doctor.
8. I have cramps. That’s too bad. But an orgasm will lessen the pain.
9. My belly looks jiggly. If we waited until we had perfect bodies to have sex, 99% of people would never get laid.
10. We’re not in the bedroom. Great! That sounds fun.

There are, of course, plenty of good reasons to not have sex. Here are a few.

1. I’ll have feelings for what’s-his-name if we do it. No one wants to be in love with a guy whose name can’t be remembered, so spare yourself the heartache and skip the casual sex.
2. I don’t have a condom. Safe sex is a perfectly good thing to wait for.
3. I don’t know where I am. Sweetheart, lay off the liquor and call a friend.
4. I’m about to cheat. Monogamy isn’t perfect; neither are you. But you should probably take pause before you cheat on your partner and consider the consequences, and why cheating is appealing to you in the first place.
5. I have a headache. It’s perfectly fine to not be in the mood. Or to opt for reading another chapter in your book or getting an extra 30 minutes of sleep.

Sex isn’t only the stuff of fairytales and romances; it can be messy, spontaneous, imperfect … and still a really good time. Don’t let worry over imperfections keep you from experiencing sex in all its forms.

Do you think women should make the first move sometimes when it comes to sex?

Veronica: Definitely. Nothing turns a guy on more than a woman who can make the first move.

Doug: Sure, why not?

Tara: Of course! It’s a two-way street!

What advice would you give a woman on initiating sex?

Veronica: This is a toughie, because basically a woman can do or say anything to initiate sex and usually a man would go for it. I think being upfront about your motives is sexy enough to get the guy going.

Doug: I think men on the whole are thick - picture a large animal, like a moose. Subtlety is often lost on men, so it’s best to be direct and straightforward instead of suggestive and romantic. Save the candles for your bath.

Tara: Kissing and putting my hands in places they shouldn’t be always worked for me.

What is the worst move you’ve heard or experienced a woman pull?

Veronica: When women are interested in a person and they play hard to get, then become over-the-top flirty, then play hard to get - it’s a turn-off to send so many mixed signals.

Doug: Being black-out drunk at a party with a guy, shoving her hand down his pants, then shit talking him for not making out with her there.

Tara: I was at a bar one night and the jukebox was on and I screamed at my then boyfriend that all I wanted to do was go home and have sex. Well, mid-sentence the song ended and the whole bar heard me. In my defense, at least I know what I want.

Want some more tips? Visit how to initiate sex for women for more advice on making the first move.

I know that most of my fellow women have been here: you’re out at the club and you meet the most amazing man. He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s even a good dancer. Oh, and by the way, he’s also married. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not the type of girl to jump into bed with a married man, or with just any man for that matter, but is it ever okay?

In my opinion, I believe that I have somewhat of a duty to my fellow women to keep married men in check, and also to maintain my own personal standards of not adding ‘homewrecker’ to my personal skills. I know that not all women feel this way, and there are also men out there that go out and pretend that they’re not married. I actually happen to know a few of these.

I can also see the other side of the fence: if a man is willing to sleep with you, why worry about what he’s risking to go home with you? It isn’t your problem after all, right? He’s an adult and, in most cases, his wife doesn’t double as a babysitter, and nor should we. Personally, however, I could never see myself knowingly pursuing a married man. Sure, the whole forbidden fruit part is slightly alluring, but is it really that glamorous to be the other woman once you’re there? I also know what it feels like to be cheated on, and I wouldn’t want to knowingly wish it on any fellow lady.

The thing that really gets me are some of the reasons men cheat, and the sad thing is, I know more than one man whose got something on the side. Some stray because they’re no longer sexually attracted to their wives, but don’t feel as if they can leave because there are children involved. Others just want to find someone who is willing to do the things for them that their wives aren’t, or their wives have stopped having sex with them altogether. And really, both these scenarios are quite depressing for me to hear.

I know that when I get married, I want to know exactly what I’m getting, and if they married a woman without knowing what she’s not willing to do inside the bedroom, perhaps they should have never been married in the first place. And for those who find themselves with a lack of a sex life, I really feel for: typically I see that these men have been having marital problems with their wives that have come into the bedroom. And of course, there are always the men that no matter what we do, they will always stray, and mainly I think that it’s just a matter of ‘the grass is always greener’ syndrome.

But no matter what the case, I don’t feel as if these men should have an excuse at all. They hit the altar and took their vows willingly. Why should we take pity on them and sleep with them anyway? Unless of course, it’s perfectly okay with his wife, and in that case, I’d like to meet her.

Image courtesy of arnet used under Creative Commons.

I turned thirty last week, and despite partying like I was in my twenties, there’s no denying the fact that I’ve entered my third decade of life, generally happier and wiser than I was when I turned 20. While I could write a list of the sexual experiences I should have avoided before I turned 30, you probably don’t need to know what happened in the van with the Yugoslavian waiter. I do, however, have an idea of what sexual experiences, acts, and attitudes were valuable, instructive, and life-affirming for me. Here are the sexual experiences I’d recommend to women to try before turning 30.

1. Have an orgasm. There is definitely an orgasm gap that exists between men and women, but by the time you hit 30, you owe it to other women to help us shatter that glass ceiling. Use any means necessary – find a guy with tenacity and talent, masturbate like you’re Christopher Columbus, steal a jackhammer from a construction site – until you get it figured out.

2. Buy a sex toy. I think all women should have at least one sex toy, preferably a vibrator that can get you off solo in no time and that you can introduce to your partner for an amazing “threesome.”

3. Own lingerie. You should have at least one silky, see-through, or otherwise sexy thing that you feel great in, whether it be a vintage slip, a girly camisole and shorts set, or a leather bustier.

4. Be naked with confidence. Whether you’re having sex with the lights on or stripping down for skinny-dipping, you should feel good being naked.

5. Shave down there. If you’ve never tried shaving or waxing bald, give it a go. It provides totally different sensations, and gives you your own little secret.

6. Don’t shave down there. If you’ve been shaving/waxing since you saw your first Playboy, give it a break. Go au naturel for a bit, and experience the softness, low maintenance, and in-grown hair-free existence for a while.

7. Kiss a woman. This may not be for everyone, but if you’ve ever had a curiosity about the same sex, give it a try. Take advantage of the fact that sexual fluidity is becoming more mainstream, and find out if women really are better kissers than men (hint: they are).

8. Make safety a priority. You may have fallen prey to bad sex education and peer pressure in your teens, but by your twenties you need to take responsibility for your sexual health. Carry your own condoms, have a back-up birth control plan, and don’t back down under pressure or persuasion.

9. Have a one night stand. If you’re single, having a one night stand can be liberating, and it teaches you to separate sex and love, which don’t always have to go together.

10. Make love. Okay, so “make love” sounds corny, but have the kind of passionate, loving sex you daydream about – complete with eye-gazing, touching, kissing, whispering.

11. Have a quickie. Sometimes you just want to get off quickly, but there is an art to doing it with a partner. Learn how to have a quickie by 30, and you’ll be all the better prepared should you have kids running around in your future.

12. Give a great blowjob. Even if blowjobs aren’t always on your menu, it is worthwhile to know how to give a great blowjob, just to know the joy and power there is to be had in oral sex.

13. Try anal play. I say this as a person who is not a fan of anal action, but it’s definitely worth trying some form of anal play just to experience the different sensations it brings. You might be surprised by how much you like it.

14. Have sex outside. Whether you want to have sex under the stars or in the alley behind the club, indulge in the exhilarating rush that is semi-public sex outside.

15. Share a sexual fantasy. Tell a sexual partner at least one sexual fantasy, especially if it’s one that you think you would try out together. Opening up and sharing adds another dimension to your sex life.

16. Write an erotic letter/email/story. Send a dirty email to a long-distance lover or write an erotic short story on your own to explore your fantasies and express yourself sexually.

17. Master dirty talk. Dirty talk doesn’t require a whole new vocabulary, just some creativity and confidence. Add dirty talk to any of your sex moves to double his pleasure.

18. Give a lap dance. Perform a strip tease or lap dance for a partner. It’s okay if you end up laughing together, sex will still likely follow.

19. Have sex blindfolded. Experience the heightened sensations and anticipation that comes from doing it blindfolded.

20. Find porn or erotica that turns you on. If your first experience with porn was less than exciting, give it another try and find one that does turn you on, or get an erotica collections that you can rely on for arousal. There’s a tremendous variety of both erotica and porn available online, so you’re no longer limited to the blonde-haired-fake-boobs kind.

21. Give a partner feedback. By the time you’re 30, you should be able to give a partner feedback on what you like in bed and what you need to orgasm.

22. Nurture sexual fantasies. Don’t let your fantasy life disappear in your ever-busier real life. Find time to nurture sexual fantasies to keep your mind and your libido active.

23. Masturbate. Whether or not you’re single, there’s always room for a solo sex life.

24. Feel sexy. You may not feel sexy all the time, but have an idea of what outfit, attitude, or environment makes you feel sexiest, and work that knowledge to your advantage.

25. Love your body. By the time you’re 30, you should try to find peace with your body, whatever shape it is. Don’t let body image ruin your sex life. Focus on your assets and the pleasure your body brings, and minimize flaws and hang-ups.

26. Initiate sex. You should be able to make the first move by the time you’re 30.

27. Try the reverse cowgirl … or any other sexual position that puts you in control and in the spotlight, if you’re not into the country-western thing.

28. Know how to turn a man on. Don’t always wait passively to be seduced; know how to turn him on.

29. Have an innocent make out. Make out like you did when you were in high school, with no goals or need to do more than just kiss the person you’re with for what seemed like hours. If you’re single, this can prolong the juicy sexual tension. If you’re coupled off, a nice make out session can put the spark and anticipation back in your sex life.

30. Pay attention to your sex life. Don’t let stress, insecurities, or distractions push your sex life down the priority list. Be attentive to your sexual needs, and avoid falling into a rut of boring sex or no sex at all. (Yes, solo sex counts). Sex is a joyous, healthy part of life that shouldn’t be neglected as you get older.