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"I love my girlfriend, but our sex life is just ... boring. I want to have the crazy, passionate sex we used to have in the beginning. I'm tired of boring sex!" |
Do You Have a Boring Sex Life? |
| Better Sex > Tips for Great Sex > Revive Boring Sex Life |
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A lot of readers write in with the same scenario: I love my partner, but I'm bored with our sex life. Having a boring sex life can happen in a long-term relationship. The very things that make relationships great - security, comfort, trust - don't exactly set off fireworks in the sex department. But it is exactly those characteristics that will help you get out of your rut and get the passion back in your sex life with a little bit of effort. Boring sex is often the result of one thing: predictability. Whether it's the when, where, or how that's become monotonous, the easiest way to shake up your boring sex life is to try something new. Here are some things you can try to give boring sex a break. Infuse some romance. Before your eyes roll at the cliche, think about what romance means for a minute. Romance is about paying attention to the details in the moment, heightening the sensual experience, and being more attuned to your partner. Forget rose petals on the bed, and instead think about what would really excite your partner. Is it putting on his favorite music? Or gazing into her eyes while caressing her skin? Romance is simply about paying extra attention, which can get you back in touch with what used to drive you crazy about each other in the first place. Have a quickie. If you've been in a rut and sex seems like a chore, maybe a little quickie orgasm is the spark you need to get excited about sex again. Surprise your partner with a morning blowjob, suggest an impromptu hump in the kitchen, or give her a happy ending after a shoulder rub. When your sex life is boring, it's harder to be in touch with your arousal, so you have sex less often. A quickie might just jumpstart your libido enough to let you get creative. Don't have sex. It might seem counter-intuitive, but bear with me. Instead of settling for boring sex every week or so, why not go on a sex diet, and create some anticipation for when you can get down and dirty again? For example, commit to no sex for a period of time, and plan a weekend away for the re-consummation. During the no-sex time, you can cuddle, makeout, and talk about the sex you will have, building up the anticipation, but no action below the waist. Add the element of surprise. Maybe a little surprise or risk is what you need to break up your boring sex life. The risk of getting caught is a turn-on for many, so try a little groping or making out in the back of the restaurant or bar. Have sex in the car before you return home and relieve the babysitter. Leave your panties at home. Try one of those remote-controlled vibrators. Create your own dirty little secret, and you'll increase the excitement and intimacy in your relationship. You don't nurture your fantasies. The brain is the most important sex organ, and you need to use it or it gets weaker. We all have fantasies, but if the last one you can remember involved a locker room scene with that football player in high school, then you need to nurture your fantasy life. The more you think about sex creatively, the more you will crave hot sex in your real life. Boring sex can be easily avoided with a little creative thinking. Explore fantasies. Having the trust and security in place to open up and share fantasies is a huge advantage of being in a relationship. Tell him about the fantasy you have of being tied up and having your clit teased. Tell her about how you want two women to lick you at the same time. Sharing in and of itself is quite a turn-on and can lead to some hot sex. You may also find that you share a few fantasies, and decide to act them out. Living out your fantasies means bye-bye boring sex life. Experiment with role-playing. Role-playing is a great way to act out certain fantasies. You get to create characters and scenarios you have only fantasized about. A lot of role-playing revolves around playing with who has power, so start by exploring your fantasies there. You do not need elaborate costumes or set-up, just use your imagination and get started. You don't have to settle for a boring sex life in your relationship. In fact, it is with a caring partner that you are best able to let go and explore. So try something new and spice up your sex life. Don't settle for boring sex. |
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