Entries Tagged 'Better Sex Tips' ↓

Tara Riley is a new guest blogger on Whoopie School. She lives in Pennsylvania.

I’ve known my fiancé for seven long years. Of those seven years, we’ve been sleeping together for the past three. As you can imagine, we know just about everything about each other. We do our best to  keep the sizzle in our sex life. Here are some of our best tips - hopefully the ways we keep things interesting between the sheets will help you, too.

Image by brina_head used under Creative Commons license.

1. Time and Distance. We live about two hours from each other, so there are times that we don’t see each other for days at a time. Sure, this really sucks, but we make it work for us. First, if I’m coming into town, one of us is going to send the inevitable text message: “Oh the things I’m gonna do to you tonight.” Second, we always start the night off with friends and agree beforehand what time we’d like to head off to spend some time alone together. So, the entire time we’re hanging out with our friends, we’re counting down the hours and minutes until we’re getting down. And when I can’t get him out of there soon enough, I end up telling him exactly what I want to do. Unfortunately, I’ve accidentally told him loud enough for the whole bar to hear that all I wanted to do was go home and have sex. Yeah, the music stopped.

The distance from each other creates anticipation and excitement in our sex life. Even if you live with your partner, you can do things to create that same hunger, by spending time separately with friends or sending dirty messages to each other when you’re apart, for example.

2. Fantasy Lists.  No, I’m not talking about fantasy sports, I’m talking about sexual fantasies. Believe it or not, there are a few things that we haven’t done. Shower sex, anal sex, and car sex all come to mind. Two of those made it onto my fantasy list, all three made it onto his. While he won’t be getting any anal sex anytime soon, the important thing here is that we know what the other wants. I know it’s okay to wake him up with sex, and he knows if there’s ever an opportunity for us to get it on in the Charlotte Russe dressing room, that I’m game.

Share your fantasies with each other, and look for opportunities to act them out in some way. It helps keep sex fun and surprising.

3. Penis Enhancement Pills. Okay, so he’s already pushing 9.5, which I admit in the beginning made me uncomfortable at times, but now I just can’t get enough. Yes, you heard that. Girls actually like to have sex. And if there’s something out there that will make him bigger or last longer, sign us up.

4. We Tease. That’s right. From the moment I walk through the door until we’re between the sheets, we’re teasing each other. I’ll be standing behind the counter at the shop talking to someone on the phone and the next thing I know he’s kissing my neck. Or when we head to the bar later, there’s a lot of thigh touching. We hold hands. There’s no help for us if we end up playing pool. And once we get between the sheets it seems as if that only ups the ante. It’s all about foreplay. It can take the average woman up to four times as long as her partner to have an orgasm, which is where foreplay comes in. Paying attention to her needs before you start having intercourse will ensure that you’re both satisfied.

Don’t forget to flirt with and tease your partner. Teasing is a great way to increase desire and arousal, and to keep the fun in your relationship.

5. Cuddling. We always cuddle after having sex. We could be in a king-size bed and I would bet money that we would end up on either side tangled up in each other the next morning. It helps keeps us close, especially during the nights that we don’t have sex.

Any form of non-sexual touching keeps you close and intimate with your partner. And it just might get you in the mood for all kinds of touching later.

Try out one of these tips to put the sizzle back into your sex life!

[Editor's Note: Whoopie School does not advocate the use of penis enhancement pills. There is no research that proves they are effective, and can even possibly be dangerous. But, hey, to each their own ... ]

Over the past few days, two of our articles were posted over at Ask Dan and Jennifer - below are the links to check them out, and the other great content on their site.

The first article is about the differences between real sex vs. porn sex and includes tips for women on how to teach men the differences. Here’s an excerpt:

It seems to be an epidemic that young men who grow up watching porn (cough, all of them), think that what they see is what sex is like. And, yes, perhaps women are guilty of believing in certain kinds of movie sex, maybe those that involve scenes with Brad Pitt or Richard Gere, but those misconceptions never end with semen on someone’s face.

The second article is about the consequences of being too goal-oriented during sex, aka - too focused on orgasm to really enjoy the sexual experience. Here’s a quote:

Goal-oriented sex minimally causes you to miss out on more sensual and intimate sexual experiences. At its worst, being too focused on orgasm could actually be preventing you or your partner from enjoying sex. Think about it – has your focus on your orgasm or your partner’s ever created pressure and interference? Of course it has. That’s because you are focused on the wrong thing.

Thanks for reading.

Have you ever:

• Thought about covering your lover in chocolate sauce and whipped cream and licking it up for dessert, only to decide to eat Oreos instead?

• Wanted to film yourselves having sex, but then decided to watch re-runs of CSI: Miami?

• Fantasized about having hot sex when you got home from work, only to fall asleep on the couch?

Then you, my friend, are in a bit of a “dull spell.” Not a dry spell, no, just dull. If you have a lot of fantasies and desires that you’re not acting out, or you simply are in the rut of formulaic sex, then your sex life probably seems lacking. It’s time to stop settling for a quick orgasm during Letterman commercials and start getting crazy creative in the bedroom.

Image by flickr user margolove used under Creative Commons license.

Dullness is like a disease that slowly spreads and kills everything in its path. Whether it started with your sex life, or your lovemaking just fell prey to pervasive dullness, don’t let the infection keep spreading. Break the dull spell.  Here are three tips:

• Take turns taking the lead. Take turns with your partner creating a unique or creative sexual experience. It takes the burden off of both of you to be inspired, and gives one of you the chance to set up a fantasy scenario to spice things up.

• Make a game of it. On slips of paper, write 5 things that you want to do to your partner, or have the other person do to you. Take turns pulling the slips out of a hat. Perform for one minute, then switch. It could be a striptease, a blowjob, a spanking, anything you can think of. This game breaks up the monotonous foreplay ritual many of us get stuck in.

• Dress up for each other. It’s hard to imagine yourself as a sex god or goddess when you’re hanging out in your gym clothes after a long day, so it’s then easier to settle for less-than-amazing sex. Instead, make time to get into your sexiest persona by dressing the part, whether you get dressed up to stay in or to go out.

Once you go from dull to dazzling sex, you won’t want to go back.

“Love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance fuck like no one is watching.”

There are a lot of things that cause sexual inhibition, but a nasty one is the fear of being seen; you know, the anxiety that someone might see you in an imperfect, out of control state. While I’m sure there were folks who preferred to have the lights out during sex before there were even lights, I think we have it pretty bad. We’ve gotten to a point where we’re so media-saturated, that it’s easy to believe that we’re under the same scrutiny that Britney Spears is when she goes to Starbucks in sweatpants. I am here to assure you that you are not starring in your own reality show; people are not watching in order to point out your arm fat or bacne or the ridiculous face you make when you orgasm. Sexual inhibition in this way holds you back from the pleasure you long to have; our desire for storied lives often conflicts with what actually makes up happy.

The late David Foster Wallace has a short story about seduction in which he says, “Her expression is from Page 18 of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. (. . .) He realizes she’s replaying a scene from some movie she loves. ” It’s striking to realize how rehearsed we can be when it comes to sex and attraction. But worrying about if you’re showing your best angle or if you’ve got your “come hither” stare just right is distracting and just missing the point. Your partner would rather see you lose control in ecstasy than maintain an attractive pose, right? I’m a fairly paranoid person most of the time, but i have gotten over my sexual inhibition around being watched with a few simple techniques.

“I was singing fucking with my eyes closed.”

• Breathe. No, no, no, not moan in your perfectly practiced purr. Breathe. Start with a slow, steady breath, and be surprised by what comes out as your body experiences its range of pleasures.

• Close your eyes. Closing your eyes is a way to let go, surrender to the moment, and focus on your inner world. Sure, it’s nice to look your lover in the eyes, but if looking at the world makes you think the world is looking at you, shut them.

• Move. Let your sense of touch, not your sense of how you look good, guide you. Positions should be determined by what feels good, not what position makes your stomach look flattest. If the position that feels good at the moment reveals cellulite or back hair, well . . . remember to breathe and close your eyes, and you’ll be fine.

A theme seems to have emerged in this week’s posts. We tend to look to others for external feedback and reassurance, whether it’s about sex trends, sexual satisfaction, or sexual attraction (among may other things). And while there is some benefit to this practice in that we can learn from one another, the effect is largely detrimental. How can we decide what to do sexually based on what others do? How can we determine what we think great sex is based on others’ definitions? How can we choose who we’re attracted to based on the input of others?

The natural human tendency to want to belong to the larger group has been grossly exploited, resulting in rampant insecurity and inauthenticity.  As a young woman, I suffered with insecurity in so many ways that resulted in dieting at age 14 (at 110lbs!), engaging in sex acts so as not to disappoint the other person, and feeling inadequate after “girl talk” if I wasn’t like everyone else, to name a few examples. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to overcome a lot of that insecurity and live more truly to who I think I am. It’s not always easy, but there are ways to shut out external messaging and to focus more on your internal desires and feelings. Here are three simple actions that have helped me get more attuned to my own desires and beliefs:

• Think/reflect/meditate. If we spend most of our time as passive consumers of messaging, then we’re going to be riddled with the conflicting feelings of being both inadequate and craving a cheeseburger (or whatever other product is being schlepped). Spending some quiet time with your thoughts is a good way to separate them from other ones you internalize. Simply shut up, shut out the chatter, and bask in yourself. You’ll either find that things are better than you think, or terrifying enough to inspire authentic change. Take the red pill.

• Have some perspective. You can focus on those that have more and look better, or you can remember that there are so many people who right now have it far worse than you. Choose gratitude over jealousy as often as you can.

• Nurture good relationships, ditch the rest. Grow the relationships in your life in which you share a mutual acceptance, support, and care for one another. Ditch anyone who is parasitic, overly competitive, or just plain negative. When you surround yourself with people who like you for who you are, it becomes easier to like yourself the same way.