Entries Tagged 'Have More Sex' ↓

Does this scenario sound familiar? You turn on the TV to watch something while you eat, and six hours later you find yourself watching the same Seinfeld re-run for the 8th time, suffering from some sort of jet lag and loss of time that can only be explained by an alien abduction or a time warp, and you’re too tired to get to bed, never mind have sex. This is a slip into a serious TV vortex, and it is ruining your life. Um, well maybe it’s not that dire, but I’m happy to say there is a cure.

We recently moved to the east coast, and in an effort to be prepared for the television of the future (the internet!) and to really screw The Man (where The Man = Comcast), we didn’t get cable. A multiplicity of benefits have subsequently followed, the most relevant here being that we have sex more frequently.

This probably doesn’t require explanation, because there have been dozens of articles on how TV, and now the internet, negatively affect one’s sex life. The cruel irony is that these portals that were supposed to connect us to the broader world now serve to disconnect us from our personal lives. So try an experiment one day this weekend: shut off your TV. If you’re partnered up, do some of that old-fashioned eye-gazing, cuddling, and talking. If you’re single, take a bubble bath, fantasize, and curl up in a comfy blanket. Hours later, find yourself suffering from some sort of fatigue and loss of time that can only be explained by some serious loving.

We hate New Year’s resolutions. While we don’t have any problem with self-improvement, New Year’s resolutions always sound like things Catholics give up for Lent, and are just generally not fun. But in the spirit of the new year, we decided to come up with some sex resolutions this week that are positive, enjoyable, and totally doable. If at this point you’ve already abandoned going to the gym everyday or not eating a single carb, try out some of our sex resolutions instead. They will be easier to stick to and a whole lot more fun.

Sex Resolution #1: Have More Sex

I can cite studies that show that having more sex reduces stress, improves health, and increases overall happiness, but I bet I don’t need to persuade you to have more sex. Most people want to, but life just gets in the way. This year, resolve to have more sex, and let all the happy by-products - like better intimacy, health, and happiness - make 2009 a great year. Here’s how:

• Identify and remove obstacles. If it always seems like you have something you have to do before doing it, then you probably need to re-evaluate and get rid of your obstacles to sex and intimacy. Perhaps it’s too much TV or internet consumption; perhaps it’s household chores; perhaps it’s stress and fatigue. If you can eliminate or de-prioritize even just one thing and move sex up the priority list, it will happen more often. And I guarantee that after getting some more lovin’, you won’t remember why you cared that much about getting the dishes done in the first place.

• Expand your definition of sex. If the thought of going into the bedroom, taking off your clothes, and going through foreplay tires you out before you even get to the intercourse part, perhaps you just need to expand your definition of sex play. Mutual masturbation, kissing, oral sex, massage – there are a number of ways to be sexual with your partner that don’t involve intercourse. Remove the pressure that sex is a lengthy, time-consuming endeavor, and make your sexual interactions more playful.

• Take turns. More sex does not have to entail both partners all the time. The focus can be on just one partner or the other a few days, which will simultaneously take off the pressure on both people to get off and keep the desire and momentum going in your sex life.

• Self-service. Masturbation is also a good way to get off more frequently, especially if your partner’s libido is lower than yours. Use the alone time to explore different ways to get off, and those creative juices will get you going with your partner, too. If you feel comfortable, communicate with your partner about what you fantasize about when you masturbate, and next time around they may just be in the mood, too.

• Think dirty, act dirty. The shortest path to more sex is thinking about sex more. While you’re running reports at work, drift off into your favorite sexual fantasies, and share what you’re thinking about with your partner. Your brain is your most powerful sex organ, so use it more often.

• Just do it. Don’t overthink it, and don’t wait to be overwhelmed by desire. If you want to have more sex, just do it, even if you don’t totally feel in the mood. Your body will catch up to you, and will crave sex more frequently if you have sex more often.

It’s no secret that we are in particularly stressful times, with a global economy in crisis and a fierce election going on. In our increasingly busy lives in these dire times, we are accumulating more and more stress. Stress is detrimental to our health and overall well-being, including our sex lives. Whether it’s working extra hours or staying “plugged in” to get the latest news updates, people are spending less time connecting with their partners physically and emotionally. Ironically, sex is proven to release endorphins and reduce stress, but it’s usually the first thing to go in times of anxiety. Sex with your partner is healthy, comforting, and free, making it a great past time in trying times.

Here’s how to prioritize sex when you’re stressed:

• Go on a media diet. Unplug. If a big source of your stress is watching the DOW drop every minute, turn it off. The bad news will still be there in a few hours, and you’ll be better able to deal with it after a healthy break. Use that extra time to initiate an intimate moment.

• Expand your definition of sex. If times are too busy or stressful for a luxurious afternoon of lovemaking, you can still connect with your mate and get off. Mutual masturbation, handplay, and oral sex all can be as gratifying and intimate.

• Identify your need for sex. Don’t wait for a wet dream to wake you up. If you can’t remember your last orgasm, then it’s time for another one - STAT! Steal time with your partner anyway you can get it, or go on a solo mission, but get the job done.

• Schedule it. Unromantic, we know, but if you spend most of your day double-booked and over-committed, then you have to schedule it. Sneak sex time in whenever you can, and make the best of it.

• Treat yourself. If you recognize that you’re totally stressed, treat yourself to a sensual pleasure. Maybe it’s new body lotion, or scented candles, or just locking yourself in the bathroom long enough to enjoy some tea. Getting some quality “me time” will relax you, and get you in touch with your body and desires.

• Cuddle. If you’re having rough times, maybe the best thing you can do is give or get a hug. Cuddling with your partner can be comforting, and may be a surprise turn-on.

I’ve been reading a few personal development books and blogs lately, and a common adage in each is to focus on one thing at a time in order to achieve greater success and happiness. That is a great piece of sex advice, as well. Too often people are not fully experiencing the sex they are having, or not having sex at all, because they can’t focus on just being intimate with another person. More and more people are bringing their laptops to bed, or are simply unable to disconnect from their to-do lists mentally. The result: infrequent or unsatisfying sex lives.

So how do you focus on your sex life more? There are a few ways to be more present and attentive to your sexual side.

• Commit to unplugging. Set aside time regularly to shut off the constant stream of information coming at you, whether that means turning off the TV, closing the laptop, or even dimming the lights. After a few moments of sitting still, probably bored, you’ll start to remember that you have a body that may be achy, tired, or horny.
• Be more affectionate. Make an effort to reach out to your partner and touch more. It can be easy in your busy day-to-day lives to forget to be affectionate, so make a concerted effort to cuddle on the couch, hug as you pass in the hallway, or give each other back rubs at bedtime. A little touch can trigger a desire for more touching, so get it started!
• Make a “distractions” list. Before heading to bed, write down all the things that are bothering you or that feel unfinished in your day. Get all those nagging tasks, big or small, out of your head, and commit to not think about them until morning. By getting them on paper, you may free yourself mentally to focus more on your emotional and physical needs without that voice in your head reminding you to pay the car insurance.
• Pay attention to the action. When you’re in an intimate moment, focus on what is happening. Don’t zone out and think about the laundry that’s unfolded; instead, think about the action that is taking place. Are you touching your partner? Consider all the details of that experience - what his or her skin feels like, how they are responding. Is your partner touching you? Concentrate on the sensations you are experiencing.
• Limit one sense to heighten others. If you are adventurous or really hopeless at concentrating, try shutting off one of your senses in order the heighten the others. For example, try using a blindfold. The anticipation and surprise elements of being blindfolded will help you be more present in the moment.

As Publilius Syrus once said, “To do two things at once is to do neither.” Try one or all of the above suggestions to help you do one thing - have better sex - right.

The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I could distinctly tell I was in the mood. I hurriedly brushed my teeth, checked to make sure the doors were locked, and headed to bed – too late. He was already asleep. So I reached for my favorite self-service device: my backscratcher.

Surprised? Well, don’t be; everybody enjoys a good back rubdown. It happens to be my favorite thing, which annoys the shit out of my husband. I beg for backrubs like he does for blowjobs, with about the same success rate. Is there a correlation? Absolutely. Once that silly man figures out that rubbing my back is the fastest way to get me in the mood, he’s going to wish he hadn’t spent so much time complaining. To him, it seems like work. And it is. But once his big hands are on my skin, massaging out the stress of the day, I get all tingly down below. Sometimes you have to give to receive.

Let me explain. It’s fair to say that men think about and are ready for sex more often than most women. It isn’t fair that that’s the case, but that’s another blog post. Men tend to clumsily ask for sex when they’re in the mood, and yet dismiss any clues as to what would get her all wet and ready as work. But it’s precisely what your lady friend asks for that is annoying to you that will get her ready for sex. Maybe it’s doing the dishes after dinner, complimenting her appearance, giving a little affection, or just a nice backrub. Women do like sex as much as you do, it just takes a few extra steps to get there.

You think it’s annoying when she asks you to pick up your clothes off the floor? So is your constant boner. But if a clean bedroom puts her in the mood for romance, pick up your damn clothes and put that erection to good use already.