Narrowing the Orgasm Gap

There’s yet another glass ceiling for women to shatter – hopefully with screaming ecstatic orgasms. That’s because there is a substantial gender gap when it comes to orgasms between men and women. Research shows that in all contexts, from casual hookups to long-term relationships, women orgasm significantly less often than men. This sexual inequity cannot stand, especially since it’s fairly easy to improve with some efforts from both genders.

Image by PhantomX used under Creative Commons.

Ladies, if you want to close the orgasm gap, and you should, there are three things you can try that will improve your sexual experiences, and help close the gap:

• Masturbate. Climaxing is hard if you don’t know what you like and what your body responds to. Masturbation teaches you what gets you off. Contrary to what you might have been told, your body is not icky, gross, or sinful. It is perfectly healthy and normal to masturbate, if you are so inclined.

• Communicate. If he’s not touching you in a way that will make you come, then tell him. Simple instructions like “harder,” “slower,” or “more gentle” are not disruptive, and in fact can be erotic. More complicated instructions, such as explaining where your clit is, don’t have to be scary, either. Just take his hand and say, “I like when you touch me here.”

• Take Control. If lying there while he humps away on top of you isn’t working, then you’re going to have to take on a more assertive role during intercourse. Woman on top is a good position to control the depth and speed of penetration, which will help bring you closer to orgasm. Experiment with different positions, and speak up when one isn’t working for you.

Guys, you have a stake in narrowing the orgasm gap, too. Let’s face it - it’s sexier and more fun when she orgasms. Here’s how you can help out:

• Give a shit. Seriously, if you don’t think that sex should be a mutually beneficial experience, then you deserve to have your dick cut off. That isn’t to say that she’ll always orgasm because you care, but you should have enough respect for anyone you’re having sex with the try to share the good times.

• Make her come first. A good practice, especially if endurance during intercourse is a concern, is to make her come first. You can do it digitally or orally, but doing so takes the pressure off of you during intercourse when there’s less clit stimulation for her.

• Ask for directions. If you’re feeling lost when it comes to her pleasure, and she won’t speak up, just ask her what she likes. You can ask for feedback, like “does that feel good?” or you can ask for more direction, like “show me where you like to be touched.”

Do your part to close the orgasm gap, and all the benefits of good service will be lavished upon you.