30 Sexual Experiences Women Should Have Before 30

I turned thirty last week, and despite partying like I was in my twenties, there’s no denying the fact that I’ve entered my third decade of life, generally happier and wiser than I was when I turned 20. While I could write a list of the sexual experiences I should have avoided before I turned 30, you probably don’t need to know what happened in the van with the Yugoslavian waiter. I do, however, have an idea of what sexual experiences, acts, and attitudes were valuable, instructive, and life-affirming for me. Here are the sexual experiences I’d recommend to women to try before turning 30.

1. Have an orgasm. There is definitely an orgasm gap that exists between men and women, but by the time you hit 30, you owe it to other women to help us shatter that glass ceiling. Use any means necessary – find a guy with tenacity and talent, masturbate like you’re Christopher Columbus, steal a jackhammer from a construction site – until you get it figured out.

2. Buy a sex toy. I think all women should have at least one sex toy, preferably a vibrator that can get you off solo in no time and that you can introduce to your partner for an amazing “threesome.”

3. Own lingerie. You should have at least one silky, see-through, or otherwise sexy thing that you feel great in, whether it be a vintage slip, a girly camisole and shorts set, or a leather bustier.

4. Be naked with confidence. Whether you’re having sex with the lights on or stripping down for skinny-dipping, you should feel good being naked.

5. Shave down there. If you’ve never tried shaving or waxing bald, give it a go. It provides totally different sensations, and gives you your own little secret.

6. Don’t shave down there. If you’ve been shaving/waxing since you saw your first Playboy, give it a break. Go au naturel for a bit, and experience the softness, low maintenance, and in-grown hair-free existence for a while.

7. Kiss a woman. This may not be for everyone, but if you’ve ever had a curiosity about the same sex, give it a try. Take advantage of the fact that sexual fluidity is becoming more mainstream, and find out if women really are better kissers than men (hint: they are).

8. Make safety a priority. You may have fallen prey to bad sex education and peer pressure in your teens, but by your twenties you need to take responsibility for your sexual health. Carry your own condoms, have a back-up birth control plan, and don’t back down under pressure or persuasion.

9. Have a one night stand. If you’re single, having a one night stand can be liberating, and it teaches you to separate sex and love, which don’t always have to go together.

10. Make love. Okay, so “make love” sounds corny, but have the kind of passionate, loving sex you daydream about – complete with eye-gazing, touching, kissing, whispering.

11. Have a quickie. Sometimes you just want to get off quickly, but there is an art to doing it with a partner. Learn how to have a quickie by 30, and you’ll be all the better prepared should you have kids running around in your future.

12. Give a great blowjob. Even if blowjobs aren’t always on your menu, it is worthwhile to know how to give a great blowjob, just to know the joy and power there is to be had in oral sex.

13. Try anal play. I say this as a person who is not a fan of anal action, but it’s definitely worth trying some form of anal play just to experience the different sensations it brings. You might be surprised by how much you like it.

14. Have sex outside. Whether you want to have sex under the stars or in the alley behind the club, indulge in the exhilarating rush that is semi-public sex outside.

15. Share a sexual fantasy. Tell a sexual partner at least one sexual fantasy, especially if it’s one that you think you would try out together. Opening up and sharing adds another dimension to your sex life.

16. Write an erotic letter/email/story. Send a dirty email to a long-distance lover or write an erotic short story on your own to explore your fantasies and express yourself sexually.

17. Master dirty talk. Dirty talk doesn’t require a whole new vocabulary, just some creativity and confidence. Add dirty talk to any of your sex moves to double his pleasure.

18. Give a lap dance. Perform a strip tease or lap dance for a partner. It’s okay if you end up laughing together, sex will still likely follow.

19. Have sex blindfolded. Experience the heightened sensations and anticipation that comes from doing it blindfolded.

20. Find porn or erotica that turns you on. If your first experience with porn was less than exciting, give it another try and find one that does turn you on, or get an erotica collections that you can rely on for arousal. There’s a tremendous variety of both erotica and porn available online, so you’re no longer limited to the blonde-haired-fake-boobs kind.

21. Give a partner feedback. By the time you’re 30, you should be able to give a partner feedback on what you like in bed and what you need to orgasm.

22. Nurture sexual fantasies. Don’t let your fantasy life disappear in your ever-busier real life. Find time to nurture sexual fantasies to keep your mind and your libido active.

23. Masturbate. Whether or not you’re single, there’s always room for a solo sex life.

24. Feel sexy. You may not feel sexy all the time, but have an idea of what outfit, attitude, or environment makes you feel sexiest, and work that knowledge to your advantage.

25. Love your body. By the time you’re 30, you should try to find peace with your body, whatever shape it is. Don’t let body image ruin your sex life. Focus on your assets and the pleasure your body brings, and minimize flaws and hang-ups.

26. Initiate sex. You should be able to make the first move by the time you’re 30.

27. Try the reverse cowgirl … or any other sexual position that puts you in control and in the spotlight, if you’re not into the country-western thing.

28. Know how to turn a man on. Don’t always wait passively to be seduced; know how to turn him on.

29. Have an innocent make out. Make out like you did when you were in high school, with no goals or need to do more than just kiss the person you’re with for what seemed like hours. If you’re single, this can prolong the juicy sexual tension. If you’re coupled off, a nice make out session can put the spark and anticipation back in your sex life.

30. Pay attention to your sex life. Don’t let stress, insecurities, or distractions push your sex life down the priority list. Be attentive to your sexual needs, and avoid falling into a rut of boring sex or no sex at all. (Yes, solo sex counts). Sex is a joyous, healthy part of life that shouldn’t be neglected as you get older.