What Would You Do for Breakup Sex?

Breaking up sucks; breakup sex, on the other hand, is amazing. Breakup sex is the temporary salve of the broken-hearted; that passionate, this-will-never-happen-again kind of humping that gives you the hope and sustaining orgasms you need to make it through a few more days.

Breakup sex, like make-up sex and angry sex, is easily some of the best sex available, but getting it generally takes some luck or the willingness to be a total dickhead. Breakup sex is as inherently complicated as it is pleasurable, so securing it takes some soul-searching, or, at least, strategizing.

Upon the demise of my last two relationships, the idea of some aftermath loving ran through my head. I mean, I am a: a man, and b: breathing.

After the breakup, I was left with one of two course of actions to pursue breakup sex:

Decision A: Lie! Say exactly what she wants to hear and get into bed together. This frankly is the simpler solution; easy to do and almost guaranteed to secure sex. It requires nothing more than callously ignoring the other person’s feelings and manipulating their emotions to suit your needs. No one wants to see a relationship end, not even a bad one. And by simply exploiting that, you can lie your way right back into her pants. Down the road, she will surely catch on though and the whole thing will come to a chaotic crash. If you never plan on seeing this person again and you are an asshole (probably why the relationship failed), then this might be the plan for you.

Decision B: Tell the truth. If you’re sexually attracted to the recently dumped person, let them know. The concept that once a relationship has ended, so does the attraction is backwards and can lead to awkward encounters bursting with sexual tension in the future. And what woman wouldn’t want to know that regardless of other issues the two of you may have had, you still find her irresistibly sexy? While this option leads to a more forthright and honest relationship going forward, it doesn’t guarantee sex. To date, I am batting .500 with this method, but perhaps more importantly, I am still friendly with both women. Maybe not best friends, sure, but not awkward if we see each other.

Once again, being an asshole will get you laid, but being the nice guy makes you a better person, and still has a 50% chance of getting you laid. Those are not horrible odds.

Image courtesy of skedonk used under Creative Commons.