Entries Tagged 'Sex for Singles' ↓

As many readers know, I quite recently became a single lady. I have been dealing with the break up, and now find myself navigating the waters of single life, in hopes of finding a guy that I can spend more than an hour with before becoming annoyed. This has proven to be difficult, but along the way I have learned things about myself and others that would make the writers of Cosmo blush.

I guess I’m handling the end of my engagement well, because my girlfriends now seek my advice all the time. I find myself telling people the same tips on single life. So, for the guy or gal who finds themselves unexpectedly single, or just can’t find the right person, I would like to offer my advice for singles.

1. You have to love yourself, no matter what. I know it sounds corny, but we all need to remember it’s okay to put ourselves first sometimes, especially during the hard times. Eat healthy, maintain your appearance, and manscape/trim the lady garden when needed. A little bit goes a long way, and when times aren’t so hard, you’ll look at yourself and be thankful that you didn’t let yourself go.

2. Moderation is key, sometimes. I will be the first to admit that it felt really good the first time my girlfriends took me out to drink my ex away. But, don’t slip into a bad habit or make bad decisions while drinking. Please, always have a designated driver. And, you might want to re-evaluate having a one-night-stand with a friend before leaving the bar; it may save you from waking up to the unexpected.

3. Keep friends close. Sure, this sounds easy, but with the tendency to withdraw when things aren’t going well, and with so-called friends who disappear during bad times, this can be quite challenging. I’ve always kept in mind, though, that real friends will be there for you no matter what. I didn’t cry on any of their shoulders this time around, but I’m very thankful that I know which ones would let me.

4. Know what you want. Many of you who are reading this may be in the same boat I am. You may enjoy the freedom that comes along with being single, but also despise the times of loneliness. Take this time to figure out what you’re really looking for. Ideally, for me, I’m looking for a guy that I’m not only sexually attracted to, but also that clicks with my personality enough that he could be like a best friend as well. Knowing what you’re looking for is half the battle.

5. Learn to say no. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you are desperate; you do not need to date everyone that pays attention to you. Recently, my older brother wanted me to date one of his friends. First of all, I’ve learned that his friends are better to be seen and not touched. Secondly, I absolutely cannot stand this particular friend of his for more than two hours, max.

6. It IS okay to have one-night-stands. I have certain standards I adhere to when I do engage in this type of promiscuous behavior, which I also recommend to everyone. I also always use protection and get checked regularly for STDs. And since I’m also a girl, I stay up to date on not only the type of birth control I’m currently using, but also on the other types on the market.

7. It is also okay to look for something more long-term. Everyone will reach this point. You will eventually tire of the dating scene and want to settle into some type of relationship and hope for the best. At this stage, it becomes a lot easier to weed out people who aren’t suited for you without feeling so bad about it. You’ll know what kind of person will make you happy and it’s okay to look for him/her.

8. Be honest. I am honest, possibly to a fault. I tell my girlfriends when they look fat and my brothers when they’re making fools of themselves. I am at the point now that have no problem telling potential future boyfriends that I’m looking for someone to play X-Box, watch gory movies, and do outdoor things with, as well as have sex with. They also know I don’t see monogamy as a big deal, that I have two children, and my job can require me to move around quite a bit. I feel if any of this isn’t cool, there’s the door: take it and don’t let it hit ya on the way out.

9. And finally, have fun. I know that in these rough, uncertain times that having fun can be hard, but make an effort to put yourself out there. Don’t give up the things you love, and if you feel you need help, ask someone, even if that’s me through a comment on this blog. I’ve always trusted that when I’m ready someone really great will walk into my life, and if that already hasn’t happened and he’s just uncertain, I know that it will happen because it’s happened before. Remember: the most important people in your life tend to fall out of the sky when you need them most.

There’s plenty to celebrate in single life, so try out these tips for singles if you’ve been having a hard time.

Eric* was the first. It was a wild night, starting with a party and ending with a hangover. But he was the beginning of a whirlwind of one night stands. Not long after there was Randy, months later I met Dean, and there was that one night with Brendan. Every time had its own special circumstances leading up to the magic, but they all had the same result: either he or I running out of the door and carrying on with our own lives before the sun could show our faces.

It is normal to have sexual needs, but sometimes the conventional courtship doesn’t quite fit into college life like we would want it to. When aren’t writing papers or studying, we are working our asses off to make enough money to buy the books and supplies that we use in the classes that tell us to write papers and study. And, yeah, there’s the partying that goes on, too. The American dream of settling down, buying a house, and having a couple juniors running around is in the distance at this point in time. It could be years before we are ready for any of those things.

Like any normal, young, hormonal people, we all have itches that need a good scratching.  So when temptation calls (or when enough alcohol has been consumed) and we get in our “special mood”, it’s sometimes easiest to grab the closest person and make more magic than Criss Angel.

One night stands can be loads of fun as well as gratifying, but there are some one night stand rules that should be kept in mind to ensure that each experience is full of pleasure, not pain or awkwardness.

• Don’t have one with anyone from any clubs, sports teams, or classes that you are deeply involved in. Whether it’s your psych class crush or your roommate’s cousin that you see eight times a day, it can get messy. If you’re dealing frequently with the person that you slept with, feelings are going to get involved. Either that, or your friends will wonder why you get that sickened look on your face every time you return from track practice. Mixing school and play can be tricky, so be cautious how you tread.

• Don’t let everybody get a turn.  It’s all too easy to get comfy with a group of friends. Pick the ones you hook up with carefully. They will compare and contrast stories, and no one wants to be the group bike. You should only let one of them ride. (Ok, 2. But that’s only if they’re hot.) Remember: College is like a huge high school and stories will spread fast.

• DO follow up. Guys, this is for you. Miss Manners can’t take care of this. You are the best judge of things. If all went well, don’t hesitate to invite your midnight lover for a quick lunch between classes. But if you aren’t feeling the chemistry, at least walk her back to the dorm. Only a douche dumps a girl without at least doing that much. You’ve been there, or you will be there, so try and keep karma on your side.

• DO use protection. Not to be the high school health teacher, but let’s use our noggins and put on a condom. Nobody wants to contract an STD or end up pregnant from a hook up, and you just can’t believe it when someone says they’re clean. Like I said, college is like a blown up high school, so if you’re spreading something, people are going to gossip about it. I don’t want to hear stories about Queen Clap in the quiet of the library, so wrap it up.

• DO be honest and communicate. If you’re engaging in casual sex, then you should be at the maturity level where you can talk about sex. If you are looking for a casual thing, tell the other person - don’t manipulate them into bed with false promises. If the other person isn’t touching you in a way that will get you off, show them how. These flings are a chance to learn about yourself and how to be a respectful, attentive lover.

I am not promoting random sex all day, every day. I’m just saying that it happens, and if you’re going to be getting it on, go into it with the right frame of mind. Hopefully these one night stand tips will keep you out of any messy situations.

* Names have been changed.