Women are better kissers than men. I only have anecdotal evidence to support this, but I don’t think there are many people that will argue with me here. Women have been trained via Disney and Sex in the City to know exactly what we want in a kiss, and we’re the only ones complicated enough to handle how contradictory what we want is. We want a kiss that is gentle and urgent, tender and tongue-y, romantic and sexy. We want a kiss that is light and airy, and yet fills us with a burning tension. We want someone to grab us with desperation, and then kiss us with hesitation. I know, it barely makes sense, but it’s true.
Image courtesy of remuz used under Creative Commons.
So if you want to know why Kate Perry has been blathering on and on about kissing girls, give kissing like a woman a try. Here’s how to kiss like a woman:
- Play hard to get. Do some shit like make eye contact and then look away, or lean into her but don’t kiss her … yet.
- Brush against the lips. Just playfully brush your lips against hers. Don’t get into suction, lubrication (um, drool), or penetration (er, tongue) in the early kissing phase.
- Play with her lips. Nibble on, tease, and play with her lips. Do not go for tongue until you are so horny you could bite her face off. Then, and only then, does it mean you’ve built enough tension for tongue.
- Lightly insert tongue. Imagine you are Moses parting the Red Sea as you gently insert your tongue between her lips – this is a holy act.
- Tease her with tongue. You are not something out of the reptile planet - do not dart your tongue in and out of her mouth. Instead, play with the tip of her tongue, then let her explore your mouth. There is no such thing as tongue wrestling, but if there were … have you seen “The Wrestler?” Do you want your kissing to be that depressing?
- Add variety. Once you’ve introduced the “French” part of the kiss, now’s the time to mix it up – be intense and passionate for a bit, and then slow back down to a gentle tease.
- Be good with your hands. Use your hands to caress her cheeks, waist, backs, and hips. Do not use here breasts as some kind of armrest.
- Smell nice. You know how when you go in to kiss a woman, you get this hint of a bouquet that makes you certain that women sweat flowers? Okay, if your cologne can be detected by everyone within a 10 foot radius, or if you think “pheromones” means smelling like rancid sweat, you do not smell nice, and there is no mystery about your kiss. Go for a clean, subtle scent.
Follow these kissing tips, and I’m sure Jill Sobule will approve (you know, the OG - Original Girl Kisser).
