Whoopie School

"I feel powerful, and very sexy, when I initiate sex ... I can see in his eyes that he's so turned on by me making the first move."

How to Initiate Sex
for Women

Being desired and lusted after is a good feeling, especially if your partner stills wants you after the comfort of a relationship has settled in. Men enjoy this feeling as much as women do, and can feel undesired if they always initiate sex. That is why it is good to be able to initiate sex when you want to. Women initiating sex is not only an ego boost and turn-on for him, it can also be a powerful turn-on for you to be more dominant and in control of your own pleasure. For some women, initiating sex play is intimidating, either because they fear rejection, think it's unladylike, or just don't know how.

If you have trouble making the first move, first think about why. Do you think it's too aggressive for a woman to make the first move? If so, remember that you are not a different person just because you want sex. It doesn't make you "slutty" or a "bad girl," you're just integrating your sexuality into your whole being. Men often fantasize about a woman making the first move and being a little dirty, so try to confront your sexual inhibitions.

Are you afraid he'll say no? There are plenty of ways to be suggestive to feel out if the time is right. Chances are, he's going to be excited by your sexual advances! However, if you're new to making the first move, it can be difficult to risk rejection. If you have an otherwise active sex life, there is nothing to worry about if one or the other partner isn't in the mood once in a while. Just keep in mind that he'll need to practice how he responds to your advances just as much as you will initiating sex.

Is he all over you so much that you don't get the chance to be dominant every so often? Just tell him that you want to chance to take the lead every once in a while, and then do it.

Once you've examined your fear of initiating sex, then it's time to think about how to do it.

Initiating Sex Tips

Ask him what he would like. If you are uncertain how he will receive you making the first move, talk to him about it. You can say something like, "Sometimes I just want you so bad, but I don't know how to let you know. Should I just start kissing you, or should I tell you that I'm in the mood? What would you be comfortable with?"

Tell him what you're afraid of. Pick a neutral time and place (as in, not when you're about to have sex), and tell him you would like to be more comfortable initiating sex when you're in the mood, but not sure how he will feel. You can say something like, "There are times when I'm so turned on by you, but I'm not sure how to express it. I'm afraid if I initiate sex, you might say no or think I'm slutty." This accomplishes a few things. First, it lets him know that you get sexually turned on by him the same way he does you. Secondly, it gives you a chance to express some of your fears and let him respond.

Passive seduction. If you're not the jump-his-bones kind of girl, then you can use other clues to let him know that you want sex. Strip in front of him, wear sexy panties, or light candles. Seduce him from a distance and let him come to you.

Physical cues. If directly talking about initiating sex isn't comfortable for you, you can also try suggestive physical cues to let him know you're in the mood. For example, while you're making dinner together, take opportunities to touch his butt or run your hands across his back. Press your breasts up against him, or play with his hair. These little cues might be a good starting point, because if he gets the message, he will probably just take over.

Tell him. The most simple approach is just to tell him what you want. You can do it as coyly or directly as you like, but sometimes subtlety can be lost on men. When he gets home from work, just say, "I've been thinking about you all day and really want to fool around." Or, "I know we're both tired, but a quickie might help us sleep better."

Normalize rejection. The reality is that in a long-term relationship there will be times when you are both not game for sex at the same time. It is totally normal. If you otherwise have an active sex life, there is nothing to worry about if he says no once in a while. While it isn't fun to be horny and turned down, remember that he has probably experienced that more times than you have, and it's ok.

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