Making Friends in the Swing Lifestyle

When you explore your sexual identity, particularly if it involves a lifestyle like swinging or BDSM, you face challenges when it comes to friendships. The childhood adage “make new friends, but keep the old” is much harder than you think, especially if the old friends disapprove of your lifestyle. And when it comes to new friends, you have to navigate the sexual boundaries of everyone involved, in addition to all of the other things you have to learn and share when making new friends. While my experiences have generally been positive, making friends while in the swing lifestyle has had its ups and downs.

My fiancé and I were both in the lifestyle before we met. When we started dating, we agreed that we would stay out of the lifestyle for a while so that we could feel out our relationship. Even though we both had friends in the lifestyle, and continued to go to parties and clubs because that was where most of our friends were, we were not actually swinging. Once we felt that our relationship was ready for that, we began looking for friends who could become friends with benefits. Of course we had to go through all the 5 tips on the swinging lifestyle. Even though we had both been in the lifestyle before, we had to have the conversation about what we wanted for our relationship.

We have met some of our best friends in the lifestyle, including my best female friend. She is amazing. Now, she is in a new relationship with someone who is vanilla (the term swingers use for people who are not in the lifestyle), so she has decided to leave the lifestyle. I use this example because I want people to understand that the lifestyle is a choice. No one in the lifestyle will look down on you because you choose not to be a part of it, and all I ask is that you do not look down on those of us that do.

Since I got sick, I have learned a lot about whom my true friends are, and not all of them are the people I thought they would be. Many of the true friends who are there for me are the people I have met in the lifestyle. So my point here is that you can’t judge people based on their sex lives. Sometimes adding a person or couple to your relationship can truly enhance your sex life, but you will never know if you don’t try it.

The difference between swinging and a one night stand is that when you swing, you get to keep that person in your life. Everyone goes into the room knowing whom they are going home with and what they are looking to get out of it. With swinging, you can invite the other parties out for dinner the next week and everyone is still happy. As long as you stay within the boundaries set forth when you begin, everyone stays friends. As a matter of fact, I have a friend in the lifestyle that is always there for me when I need a ride to an appointment or just need to talk. The sex is great, but the friendship is better.

I advise anyone starting out in the lifestyle to choose their friendships carefully. Make sure before you meet someone that you have talked to them and trust that they will respect your wishes and privacy. Don’t be afraid to say no if you are not interested in meeting someone, but don’t expect to meet only Ken and Barbie types. This world takes all types to go around, and the swing lifestyle is no different.