Breaking Up: What Now?

As my luck would have it, days after my post went public my fiancé and I decided to break up. Was I surprised when I realized what was going on behind my back? Amazingly, I wasn’t. I guess after knowing someone for so long you come to know what to expect from him or her, even if it’s something that you would rather ignore. Ultimately, I couldn’t deal with a cheater. Here’s how I’m getting over it, and if this is something you’re dealing with, then you really need to read.

• Find a support system. My friends have all been really great. They’ve been calling and texting a little more to make sure I’m alright, and I haven’t had so many invitations to go out in a long time. Let the important people in your life know what’s going on. This isn’t your fault and your friends aren’t going to judge you. I promise they won’t!

• Ask yourself this one important question: Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? My good friend Melissa asked me this, and she was completely right. I deserve better, and so do you! If the person you’re with goes behind your back and disregards your relationship, they don’t deserve you. Every time my ex slept with someone else, he disrespected me and our relationship. I could not live the rest of my life constantly wondering if he was really being honest about his whereabouts.

• Clean up. Have things around the house that belong to your ex? Pack them up and deliver them back. As much as you want to, don’t burn them! I took my ex his things over the weekend and it was just a huge relief to no longer have them sitting there. He knew I meant business when he opened the bag and realized that every little thing he left at my house over the past seven years was in there.

• Focus on you. Have you been thinking about getting into shape? This is the perfect time to go for it! Not only can you burn your frustrations out at the gym, but soon enough you’ll have a new hot bod to show off, too! Instead of getting revenge, hit the gym, get your hair done, and let your ex find out what they’re missing out on. I know in no time mine will be kicking himself in the ass!

• Avoid break up sex. It’s easy to do - first you’re crying, then you’re hugging, and suddenly you’re having sex with the person that you’re supposed to be breaking up with. As much as it might feel good at the time, it isn’t a good idea. You’re too emotionally raw during the break up phase, and sex will complicate it. Now, sex with the ex a few months later? Maybe. But you have plenty of time to decide on that after you take care of yourself.

• Move on. You’ll know when you’re ready for this step. It may take a few weeks or a few months, but it’s something that you have to do. Just remember, there is someone out there who will treat you right! I’m not in a rush to jump into anything; I want to find someone who will respect me. When the time comes, I’ll be ready.

Break ups tend to bring out the homicidal/suicidal tendencies in all of us. Don’t go down the path of self-destruction, and instead do things that will help you heal. And, no, that does not include late night stalking, keying of cars, or any other behavior that is not part of moving on.