Improve Your Sex Life by Focusing on Sex

I’ve been reading a few personal development books and blogs lately, and a common adage in each is to focus on one thing at a time in order to achieve greater success and happiness. That is a great piece of sex advice, as well. Too often people are not fully experiencing the sex they are having, or not having sex at all, because they can’t focus on just being intimate with another person. More and more people are bringing their laptops to bed, or are simply unable to disconnect from their to-do lists mentally. The result: infrequent or unsatisfying sex lives.

So how do you focus on your sex life more? There are a few ways to be more present and attentive to your sexual side.

• Commit to unplugging. Set aside time regularly to shut off the constant stream of information coming at you, whether that means turning off the TV, closing the laptop, or even dimming the lights. After a few moments of sitting still, probably bored, you’ll start to remember that you have a body that may be achy, tired, or horny.
• Be more affectionate. Make an effort to reach out to your partner and touch more. It can be easy in your busy day-to-day lives to forget to be affectionate, so make a concerted effort to cuddle on the couch, hug as you pass in the hallway, or give each other back rubs at bedtime. A little touch can trigger a desire for more touching, so get it started!
• Make a “distractions” list. Before heading to bed, write down all the things that are bothering you or that feel unfinished in your day. Get all those nagging tasks, big or small, out of your head, and commit to not think about them until morning. By getting them on paper, you may free yourself mentally to focus more on your emotional and physical needs without that voice in your head reminding you to pay the car insurance.
• Pay attention to the action. When you’re in an intimate moment, focus on what is happening. Don’t zone out and think about the laundry that’s unfolded; instead, think about the action that is taking place. Are you touching your partner? Consider all the details of that experience - what his or her skin feels like, how they are responding. Is your partner touching you? Concentrate on the sensations you are experiencing.
• Limit one sense to heighten others. If you are adventurous or really hopeless at concentrating, try shutting off one of your senses in order the heighten the others. For example, try using a blindfold. The anticipation and surprise elements of being blindfolded will help you be more present in the moment.

As Publilius Syrus once said, “To do two things at once is to do neither.” Try one or all of the above suggestions to help you do one thing - have better sex - right.