On Swinging

What do you think of swinging, open relationships, and/or polyamory?

Tara: I think that it depends on the people in the relationship. If my ex-fiance had come to me and said that he wanted an open relationship, I’d probably be cool with that. But I would not be cool with watching him have sex with another woman, so I guess that rules out swinging. And if I were ever to be in an open relationship it would have to be clear that the people we were having sex with on the side stayed at just sex, so there goes polyamory, too.

Doug:  I am 100% for it. I think that monogamy made sense when you lived to be 35 and died. Now, however, I think it makes no sense for people who live past 80. It is a hard pill for many people to swallow, sticking instead to outdated ideas which tend to be more comfortable. And I think everyone is infected with those ideas, so although I am for it, I suppose I would have my own issues to work through in order to live my own beliefs.

Savannah: Personally I think that they are very different things, and that they are not nearly well enough understood by most people.  Most people feel like it is cheating, but for me and my fiancé it is just an addition to our relationship.  It is an extreme turn on for me to see my fiancé with other women, and I know he feels the same way about watching me.  It’s almost like live action porn.  If you define your rules in the beginning and stay within the rules you decided on, it is not cheating.

How open are you to alternative sexualities like swinging?

Tara: To be honest, not very. But, at the same time, I’m respectful of other people’s decisions in their own relationships. And I’ve always been a little greedy.

Doug: See above.

Savannah: I think that there is something out there that turns everyone on.  For some people, it’s swinging. If it is for you and it works for your relationship, it can add many new possibilities for pleasure.

Do you think swinging is “trendy” right now, still fringe/kinky, or on some level appealing to most people?

Tara: I think it’s pretty trendy. It’s getting more press lately, and for some people it works.

Doug: I don’t think it’s trendy. I think we are 30. I think in the past 10 years, we began caring about politics more because we got old enough to, not because of the political events that were happening. Had Bush been considered a good president, I think you still would have seen “our” generation suddenly more involved. The same goes for swinging. When we were 18 we didn’t care, when we were 23 we didn’t even have relationships from which to swing. In our 30’s, however, like the many many many generations before us, at about this time we have relationships, kids, friends with kids, and the frame of reference to think more deeply about things then we may have in the past. Swinging has been around since long before we were born, it hasn’t changed - we have.

Savannah: I think on some level it is appealing to most people, though the level differs based on the person.  I don’t know many women who have not at least thought about girl/girl sex.  Many people won’t act on the appeal, but there is something there even if they won’t admit it.  I also think that swinging is trendy right now because of shows like Swingtown.  For example, I logged in to my swinglifestyle profile the other day and it said that there were over 8000 new members this week.  I think as people become more and more aware of swing, they become curious.  Though many of the new members might never act on the idea, they are at least interested in finding out about it.