Five Tips on the Swinging Lifestyle

When the question of swinging came up in a past relationship, I didn’t know where to turn for information, support, or community. Since that question came up, I’ve learned a lot about being in the lifestyle over the past four years, but I never forgot the uncertainty and sense of not knowing how to begin from long ago.

Swinging has been getting a lot more attention in the media, from sex bloggers to television shows. The attention has certainly created more curiosity, if not more acceptance, of the swinging lifestyle, and more and more couples have been interested in learning and experimenting.  While there are more sources now than when I began my journey four years ago, it’s still hard to get unbiased information about swinging. There are five things that I think everyone should know before swinging:

• Honesty and open communication are essential. If the idea of swinging comes up, just sit down and talk with your partner to find out what both of you think about it and want to experience. Find out what is exciting and/or intimidating about the suggestion. Don’t assume that it means your partner is unhappy with your current sex life. Make sure you are both comfortable with the things you want to look for and do.  You have to know that you can be honest with your partner at all times because it’s not fun for anyone if it’s not fun for everyone.

• Look on the web. Take a look at the websites available to help you search for people of interest.  There are several sites out there that allow you to create a free profile so you can get an idea of what is out there.  I recommend creating a profile to see what kind of responses you get from others.  You will likely find, as I did, that most people in the lifestyle are very nice and willing to respect whatever boundaries you and your partner have.  Of course, if you choose not to pursue anything you can simply delete your profile and go back to your daily life.

• Look for a club or party. If it gets to that point, check out a swingers club or see if you can find a private party.  To start, do some research and find out what people are saying about each club. Don’t be scared to look at the websites and ask questions.  Then, decide on your boundaries for your first night. It’s okay just to go and observe and mingle and see what you think of it. A nice thing about the clubs is that they are private.  The main concern I hear is, “What if I go there and see someone I know?” Trust me, they won’t say anything, because if they tell people they saw you there, they have to explain why they were there. Remember we all have real lives, and most of us choose to keep that separate from our swing lives. If you respect others’ privacy, they will respect you as well.

• Always remember: no means no! Guys, you may think that swinging is like an all-you-can-eat buffet, but you will learn quickly that in the swing lifestyle the ladies are definitely in charge.  If she says no, the answer is no. Abiding other people’s boundaries is important and respected in the community, so don’t be afraid to speak up about your comfort level. Do not let anyone pressure you.

• Swinging isn’t for everyone and that is okay.  If you get to any of these steps and are not sure if you are ready to proceed, you’re probably not.  Don’t do it just for your partner; your sex life is unique to the two of you and not all relationships are ready for it.

There is a lot to think about when considering the swing lifestyle, so start at the beginning and have that talk, or a dozen of them, before you proceed. Open and honest communication is the key thing when trying something new, whether it is a different sexual position or a different lifestyle. You should have a clear idea of what you are looking for within this lifestyle before you even proceed to step two. Keep in mind that you can always go back to step one and re-evaluate what you are looking for if either of you wants to try something new. And have fun! Swinging is just one of the many things that can make your sex life rich and fulfilling.