Sexual Fantasies Are Hard Work

Actualizing a sexual fantasy seems like it should be easy enough, but in reality it can be quite hard. If acting out sexual fantasies had steps, it would look something like:

• Share. Tell each other your fantasies.
• Compare. See which ones you might both have an interest in.
• Dare. Just friggin’ do it already. (And fine, the rhyming is lame).

Sharing sexual fantasies, while a little intimidating, isn’t the hardest part – in fact, it’s pretty fun in and of itself. Many couples don’t make it to step one, and instead keep those dark and deviant fantasies all bottled up while they execute missionary sex until the end of time. That’s too bad, because just talking about fantasies can be a turn-on.

Comparing sexual fantasies to see what you’d really like to try is a little bit harder. While you might find some similar fantasies that you would be willing to try together, you also run the risk of divulging a fantasy that your partner just isn’t going to be into, in which case you may even be more frustrated than before.

Daring to do the deed can be smooth sailing, but more than likely it will come with its own set of obstacles. For the lucky ones who have fantasies that they’re both willing to try, they may take their sex lives to new and interesting places. But because acting on a sexual fantasy requires forethought, planning, and sometimes accessorizing, it takes more work than the regular ol’ sex that’s worked well before.

The “doing” part is something I struggle with. See, the hubby and I are big talkers. We have great communication skills that are the foundation of our marriage, sure, but moreover we do a lot of shit-talking about all the things we are going to do. Since our second date, we’ve talked about all the sexual fantasies we have in common. Spanking? Sure. Threesomes. Yep. Light bondage? Please!

Just talking about them gets us pretty worked up, in the same way talking about starting a savings account gets us jazzed for owning a house one day or brainstorming a movie script gets us excited about writing. That doesn’t mean these things are going to happen. These grandiose endeavors require Change and Work, and frankly once those two elements are involved, the end goal loses some appeal.

I could own a house, but would have to give up drinking and eating out so much? Boring! I could be tied up and mercilessly teased for an afternoon, but would have to clean the bedroom, find proper restraints, choose between the dogs watching or barking outside the door, and get into character? Ugh. Just go down on me already.

I know, very un-PC for a sex blogger to say, but good sex is a lot of work, and sometimes you just want to get off before LOST starts and get to cuddling on the couch. I know that if there were a mantra that I should fuck by, it would be “just do it.” But sometimes just doing it is fun, while sexual fantasies are hard work.