Friday Foreplay: Show Appreciation for Your Mate or Your Date

Want a surefire way to get into someone’s pants? Say something sincere and kind, and they’ll likely get all warm and fuzzy. Yes, even down there.

Okay, so maybe it’s not a 100% guaranteed move, but consider this: the person you’re dating casually probably feels rejected a lot; the person you’re coupled up with probably feels neglected sometimes. So saying the right thing that just might make them feel special and appreciated gives you a better shot at intimacy than strictly dirty talk or focusing on your needs will.

It’s not always easy to tell someone how you feel. One of the first obstacles, of course, is to stop thinking of yourself and your raging hard-on (yes, those little clits in salute count). The second is really being present with someone else and identifying that thing that makes them magical to you, even if they’re not the most beautiful, sexy person in the world (because, let’s face it, Brad and Angelina already found each other).

Since we’re all different, we’re not gonna arrive at the right sweet nothing to say the same way. Let’s do this by personality:

• If you’re the emotional type: If you speak with your heart and are all over terms of endearment, sharing your feelings is probably easy, but how much thought do you put into what you say? It may be easy for you to gush and be all affectionate, but have you ever analyzed how this person affects you? Yeah, it probably feels good to hang on their neck and whisper sweet nothings, but take the time to consider how you are a different and better person because of who they are. And then tell them. Save your I love you’s, and give them something deep and meaty.

• If you’re the thinker type: You’ve probably built spreadsheets that show rows of reasons why your mate is great, or done a statistical probability on the chances of a second date with that person you met online, but you can’t remember when you haven’t dissected your feelings for every shred of data and then tossed them aside. If this is you, and you want to say the right thing to get someone all wet, then please Goddess just do something spontaneous. A hiccup will do. Just pick her up and swing her around in the bar, or walk by and pat his bum. Just. Do. Something. Don’t think. (P.S. – I know there is only a 6% chance that any of you will heed this advice).

• If you’re the strong and silent type: If speaking your mind or your heart are not your strengths, well, why push it? If your thing is being strong and silent, rock on with your bad self. Except … you need to figure out that action that you can take that will wow your partner. Maybe your efforts at keeping a clean house or taking care of the car go unnoticed, but what could you do that wouldn’t be taken for granted? What action would be impractical, crazy, and solely for your partner?

We all like to feel special, especially before sex, so take some time to appreciate that person in your life that you want to rock with. It’s the foreplay move you’ve never considered.