I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Vanilla Sex

It’s easy to mock all things vanilla – Vanilla Ice, vanilla lattes, vanilla sex – but vanilla just isn’t all that bad. I love me some vanilla sex (and “Ice Ice Baby” is one of my favorite karaoke songs).

In the sex blogging world, it sometimes feels like there’s a universal condescension of vanilla sex. It’s as if the BDSM crew got together with the swingers and polys and LGBTQs on the playground to snigger at all the straight white married couples having missionary sex beyond their white picket fences.

As far as I can discern, the term “vanilla” is used to describe a person or couple who is not part of an alternative sexual community (also bad term, btw). Sure, it carries the connotation of plain and boring, but operating within the confines of “conventional sexual behavior” can be a lot of things beyond dull.

The human sexual experience is too complex to be categorized in either/or’s; sex is not only boring or kinky. Consider, as an example, that in between the “vanilla” couple who has quiet missionary sex once a week and the D/s couple that heads to the dugeon exists a whole hell of a lot of people that fanasize and experiment with power in sex that never have to identify as anything – they just do what they do. There are degrees.

Even just getting it on in the boring ol’ missionary position can yield so many different experiences – it can be tender or rough, urgent or slow, angry or loving.

Perhaps I am sensitive about this because, by the above definition, I would have to own the vanilla term, and I’m just not happy with its connotation. I’m married, and have a mostly hetero, mostly monogamous relationship.

But there’s a lot of room to play in “mostly.”

We checked out the swinger scene, and it wasn’t for us, but we’re still open to hooking up with other people. We like a good spanking sesh every now and again, but there are times when if he even thought about spanking me he’d get punched in the face for ruining my gentle lovemaking experience. And he’d probably like that, too.

So I’d at least consider my sex life vanilla with a cherry on top. And maybe some chocolate sauce or whatever.

Yes, there is a such thing as boring sex. Just please don’t assume that all your vanilla friends are boring in the bedroom – or on the dining room table you’re eating at.

Image courtesy of ShellyS used under Creative Commons.