Cumming to Terms With The Female Orgasm, Pt II

As I’ve talked about before, the female orgasm can be elusive sometimes, especially when you are with a new partner and you’re figuring out what gets her off. I suggested in my last post that the best way to attack the challenge is to talk to her about it. Um, yeah. While communication is arguably the single most important element in any relationship (though a nice rack doesn’t hurt), knowing that and acting on it are two different things, as I recently discovered.

It’s hard to turn to a woman and ask her about her level of sexual satisfaction in any natural or sexy way – it ends up sounding either clinical or creepy. You make yourself vulnerable and open to the possibility of being told (no matter how nicely) that you are an unsatisfactory lover. And she is put on the spot to explain what she likes, and how you could do it better.

I decided that good sex is more important than my fragile ego, so I forged ahead with “The Talk.” Despite the fact that “The Talk” about her orgasm was more difficult than I expected, I still think it’s the best way to figure things out. After building up a little bit of courage, I dove into the conversation head on, asking honest and forthright questions.

In the end, the conversation went well. I got a good idea how to bring her to orgasm, and we were able to talk about each others’ needs and how we could try and meet them. Looking back at the conversation, some tips stand out:

Be as honest as you can. It sounds stupid and obvious, but the little things you hide now are much harder to explain later.

Laugh. If you are walking into this like you are walking into a funeral, then you are over-thinking it. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Focus on the fact that you are working on having better sex - nothing bad there.  But….

Skip the jokes. For the hour or less it takes to talk about whatever issue you are dealing with, keep the sarcasm and jokes to yourself.  You don’t have to be awkwardly serious, but be sensitive to the fact that your jokes may not translate well in the context of a conversation about sex.*

Ask questions. Open, general questions make it easier to get the conversation started, and help you get specific information.

Get the ball rolling and let her fill in the blanks with questions like:

• Does she like a light touch or a stronger touch most of the time?
• How often should you change the intensity of your touch? When?
• What pace does she like to be touched at? Fast, slow, or varied?
• Where does she like to be kissed?
• What sex positions does she enjoy the most? What positions would she like to try?
• What can you do during intercourse to help her get off? Touch her clit, encourage her to touch herself, incorporate sex toys like a vibrating cock ring?

These tips should be a good starting point to finding out how to help her orgasm. Plus, you’ll be the good guy that interested in her pleasure and that has the balls to ask how you can do better. Over time, the sex conversations will only get easier, so just get started.

* Like, for example, when talking about what sex positions she prefers that she most easily comes from, don’t say, “I would never do that kind of thing” and leave the room. She may not find it funny.