whoopie school

Happy HNT, in the holiday spirit!

With Christmas just around the corner, many out there are wondering whether they’ve been naughty or nice this year. Holly and Jason are tackling the issues that Santa just won’t touch, to give you a heads up on whether you should expect delightful presents under your tree or a lump of coal in your stocking.

Vibrators & Dildos: Holly Says

I have a girlfriend with quite a stash of sex toys who started dating a man. He did not like her toys. Like the beloved dog that she let sleep in the bed, the sex toys were an unwanted competitor for her affection, or so he thought. He whined like a jealous lover, denied her vibrating pleasure, and delivered an ultimatum: the toys go, or he goes. And so he went, to the lost & found box of unwanted boyfriends.

While vibrators and dildos are not exclusively for women, I suspect that jealousy or insecurity about them is exclusively male. Many a man has felt a little insecure because he did not vibrate at a particular frequency or grow to 12 inches in length. So if you have a guy who is a little insecure when you pull out your toy box, are you a naughty or nice girl if you keep playing with them?

I suspect Santa would say:

You’re nice if . . .

• You’re learning your body. Many women struggle to orgasm. Vibrators and dildos are good tools to experiment with to figure out your body and what brings you pleasure.

• You’re maintaining a healthy solo sex life. Coupled up or not, a woman can have a healthy solo sex life. Toys are a good way to get off when you’re single, and even better to use when your beau is not available.

• You share. There’s a lot of ways he can play with your toys, too. He can watch you using them on yourself, he can use them on you, or you can use them on him. As long as you remember proper maintenance and cleaning practices, you can share your toys like you’re in the first grade.

You’re naughty if . . .

• You never leave your house. If your favorite vibrator or dildo is holding you captive in your bed, then you’re abusing the toy privilege. There’s nothing wrong with getting off on your own, but you must go out for air and human interaction at least once a day.

• Your partner sex life suffers. If you prefer your toy to your boy and would rather get off alone, then you are just being a bad girl. While there’s certainly pleasure, not to mention efficiency, to come from your vibrator, it doesn’t hold you, whisper sweet nothings, or make you soup when you’re sick. Don’t neglect your partner for a battery-operated device.

• You use it to humiliate him. If you use the justifiable praise of the modern dildo or vibrator to make him feel inadequate, then that’s just mean. A man does not need to hear “my dildo doesn’t do that” when it comes to size, shape, hardness, or endurance. Well, unless you’re referring to something really spectacular.