whoopie school

“Love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance fuck like no one is watching.”

(Don’t worry; you’re not on camera - Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday)

There are a lot of things that cause sexual inhibition, but a nasty one is the fear of being seen; you know, the anxiety that someone might see you in an imperfect, out of control state. While I’m sure there were folks who preferred to have the lights out during sex before there were even lights, I think we have it pretty bad. We’ve gotten to a point where we’re so media-saturated, that it’s easy to believe that we’re under the same scrutiny that Britney Spears is when she goes to Starbucks in sweatpants. I am here to assure you that you are not starring in your own reality show; people are not watching in order to point out your arm fat or bacne or the ridiculous face you make when you orgasm. Sexual inhibition in this way holds you back from the pleasure you long to have; our desire for storied lives often conflicts with what actually makes up happy.

The late David Foster Wallace has a short story about seduction in which he says, “Her expression is from Page 18 of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue. (. . .) He realizes she’s replaying a scene from some movie she loves. ” It’s striking to realize how rehearsed we can be when it comes to sex and attraction. But worrying about if you’re showing your best angle or if you’ve got your “come hither” stare just right is distracting and just missing the point. Your partner would rather see you lose control in ecstasy than maintain an attractive pose, right? I’m a fairly paranoid person most of the time, but i have gotten over my sexual inhibition around being watched with a few simple techniques.

“I was singing fucking with my eyes closed.”

• Breathe. No, no, no, not moan in your perfectly practiced purr. Breathe. Start with a slow, steady breath, and be surprised by what comes out as your body experiences its range of pleasures.

• Close your eyes. Closing your eyes is a way to let go, surrender to the moment, and focus on your inner world. Sure, it’s nice to look your lover in the eyes, but if looking at the world makes you think the world is looking at you, shut them.

• Move. Let your sense of touch, not your sense of how you look good, guide you. Positions should be determined by what feels good, not what position makes your stomach look flattest. If the position that feels good at the moment reveals cellulite or back hair, well . . . remember to breathe and close your eyes, and you’ll be fine.