Twilight is apparently all the rage, and while I have about zero interest in reading the books or seeing the movie (I like to be un-hip like that), the very thought of adolescent vampires gets me excited. Really, vampires are the sexiest of all the undead. They are beautiful, pale with plump red lips, and sensual, calm and in control. And I happen to like biting.
The next sexiest in the monster mash lineup has to be the werewolf. The werewolf is a perversion of our more animalistic side. While I am not a big fan of excessive body hair, it really doesn’t get sexier than raw animal power.
Zombies, on the other hand, are quite unsexy, though I’m pretty sure I’ve had sex with at least three of them. They are lethargic, apathetic, and make you brainless, sort of like my stoner boyfriend in college.
Mummies don’t do much for me aesthetically, but I bet they’d be really cool with having safe sex. Like it wouldn’t be that awkward to have the “wrap it up” conversation.
And since we’re talking about monsters, why is it that so many of them seem to have dexterous tongues? Their creators must have been like, “well, I’m making you a hideous monster, so I should probably also make you good at cunnilingus.” It’s like the horror story version of The Princess and the Frog.
I’m certain that I’m forgetting some sexy beast, but the call of happy hour is too strong. Who do you think is the sexiest of the undead?
2 comments ↓
I am going to go with the succubus. there is something downright dirty about that name!
Succubus is a good one. I knew I was forgetting some.
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