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"I was so surprised when he'd say, "Oh, fine. You never want to have sex." WTF? I never once interpreted when he grabbed my ass or touched my boobs that he was trying to start fooling around. It was just annoying." |
How to Initiate Sex So She Says Yes |
| Better Sex > Sex Tips for Men > How to Initiate Sex |
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While it may seem like it sometimes, don't buy into the stereotype that men like sex more than women do. Many women enjoy sex deeply and have urges just like men do, but the path to arousal can be different for men and women. Often, men are direct and blunt with their desire to have sex. Initiation comes in the form of a boob grab or a "you wanna do it?" While the transparency is helpful, if a woman is not in the mood, the direct approach is bound to be a turn-off. When we first moved in together, Jason would always grab my ass or my breasts. I had no idea why he was doing it, and I found it annoying that I was being grabbed while I was trying to take off my coat or put away groceries. So I was even more surprised when I would swat him away, and he'd say, "Oh, fine. You never want to have sex." WTF? I never once interpreted those moments to be advances; I thought it was just annoying. When we realized the miscommunication we were having, it became easier to speak the same language. Now, we're not in the always in the mood at the same time, but we can talk about it, and we have cues that we know work with each other to signal that we're up for sex. For many women, it's hard to notice her arousal if she's stressed, pre-occupied, or busy. A direct physical come-on, whether it be a passionate kiss or a playful slap on the ass, when she's not in the mood will likely just annoy her. You need to communicate with words and gentle touch that you're thinking of her and longing for her. You need to know how to turn her on. Try these tips. Compliment her. Let her know you think she's sexy and that she's got you in the mood. Be sincere and specific, like, "Your ass looks amazing in that skirt. I just want to see you naked." Or, "You're so sexy in the morning when you wake. I like you all natural." A woman's arousal is often linked to her feeling desired, so the more you reinforce that she is sexy and driving you wild, the more turned on she will be. Gentle touches. She is probably not as focused on tits and ass as you are, so if you want to use some physical cues, put your hands on her waist, caress the back of her neck, give her a hug and nestle into her hair. These gentle touches awaken her senses and make her feel connected to you. Get her to a quiet place. This can be literal or figurative, but the objective is to get her away from sources of stress to a place of relaxation and intimacy. It can be as simple as sitting together on the couch and cuddling for a few minutes or just asking her to relax and worry about things later. Cuddle or massage. Just like the gentle touch tip, cuddling or massaging is a way to increase physical connection and decrease a little stress. With a little cuddling and petting, you'll hit a number of erogenous zones that will arouse her. For me, after a few minutes of a back rub, I notice how horny I am. Tell her how you feel. Women crave emotional connection, so let yourself be vulnerable and tell her how you feel. It may not seem like the most obvious path to sex, but improving the intimacy and emotional connection will also fan the flames of your physical connection. Normalize rejection. Sometimes she will not be in the mood. Don't pressure her or make her feel bad; it's totally normal and she has the right to say no. But DO have a talk at a neutral time if your sex drives are totally different. See if there are other ways to meet your physical needs, like if you could cuddle with her while you masturbate, or if she can take sexy pics for you so you can look at her while you get off. How you initiate sex can make all the difference in whether or not you get any, so experiment and pay attention to what your partner responds to best. |
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