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"I am so bored with our sex life, I fantasize about having an affair everyday. I'm afraid to tell him because I don't want to hurt his feelings. How much longer can I take this?"

How To Tell Your Partner You're Bored with Your Sex Life

A common complaint among couples in long-term relationships is having a boring sex life. If you count yourself among the many who are also bored with their sex lives, then it's time to have a chat.

Before you act out any of your fantasies of sex on the copy machine with your co-worker or packing your bags and starting over again in a studio apartment, ask yourself: have you ever told your partner you are bored with your sex life?

Chances are, you have either:

A. told your partner you are bored with your sex life in the heat of the moment, only for it to blow up in an argument, or ...

B. been settling for boring sex in the missionary position once a month without saying a single word.

Neither of these is going to address the reasons why your sex life got boring, nor will they lead to any positive solutions.

The fact is that there are plenty of couples out there who keep the passion and intensity alive when it comes to sex, but it isn't effortless - good sex never is. You have to work to avoid the pitfalls of boring sex - monotony, predictability, and apathy.

If you are bored with your sex life, you need to communicate this effectively and respectfully with your partner. You will likely be met with one of two responses. The first is, "I've been feeling the same way! Let's get busy experimenting." That's the good response. But, chances are, if you are bored, your partner is probably pretty bored with your sex life, too.

The other possibility is that your partner says that he or she is satisfied, in which case you explain why your needs aren't being met, and see if there is a compromise. It's a better starting point than the drama of an affair or a divorce.

How to Communicate that You Are Bored in Bed

You need to communicate with your partner and share that your needs aren't being met. Before you do so, consider these sexual communication tips:

• Pick the right time. Pick a time to talk about your sex life that is neutral - preferably when you two are alone and have time to really discuss things. Don't bring it up after being turned down for sex. Wait until the heat of the moment has passed so no one says anything hurtful. And don't bring it up on your way out to dinner or a party - unless you want a public fight for the night.
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• Don't play the blame game. Everyone has different sexual needs and drives. Just because your partner doesn't want sex the same way or the same frequency as you doesn't mean they are deficient. Having a high libido or kinky fantasies doesn't make one a freaky pervert, just as having a lower libido or vanilla desires doesn't make one a withholding prude. So don't blame the other person in the discussion for what is a shared challenge in your sex life.
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• Be specific. You need to be clear and direct about what will get you excited about sex again. Instead of "I want more intimacy" say "I miss how often you used to compliment me and tell me that you care. That really turns me on." Instead of "We don't do it enough" try "Having an orgasm with you makes me feel connected, and I want that more often." Think about why you feel your sex life is boring before you talk and have specific ideas in mind that might help things be more exciting.
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• Take action. Sometimes being able to share your feelings in a constructive way is such a relief, you walk away from the conversation feeling everything is better. But you have to follow up your talk with some action. Did you find that shared a similar sexual fantasy? Make sure to try it out within a week of your discussion, so that both partners see that you can break the boring sex routine.
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If you feel like your sex life has gotten boring, don't settle for less, and don't give up. Take the first step and have a two-way conversation about each other's sexual needs, and find your way back to intimacy.

Related Link Articles

• Do You Have a Boring Sex Life?: A lot of readers write in with the same scenario: I love my partner, but I'm bored with our sex life. Boring sex is often the result of one thing: predictability. Whether it's the when, where, or how that's become monotonous, the easiest way to shake up your boring sex life is to try something new.
• 6 Things that Make Men Boring Lovers: With all the things men worry about when it comes to sex - penis size, endurance, frequency - being a boring lover is pretty low on the list. It shouldn't be. Boring sex is hard to make up for, even with a nice dinner or a huge cock. Make sure you are not doing any of these 6 boring sex moves.
• 7 Things that Make Women Boring Lovers: Are you worried that you are a boring lover? We found seven common things that make women boring lovers. See if any of these are holding you back from sex vixen status.