whoopie school

We hate New Year’s resolutions. While we don’t have any problem with self-improvement, New Year’s resolutions always sound like things Catholics give up for Lent, and are just generally not fun. But in the spirit of the new year, we decided to come up with some sex resolutions this week that are positive, enjoyable, and totally doable. If at this point you’ve already abandoned going to the gym everyday or not eating a single carb, try out some of our sex resolutions instead. They will be easier to stick to and a whole lot more fun.

Sex Resolution #1: Have More Sex

I can cite studies that show that having more sex reduces stress, improves health, and increases overall happiness, but I bet I don’t need to persuade you to have more sex. Most people want to, but life just gets in the way. This year, resolve to have more sex, and let all the happy by-products - like better intimacy, health, and happiness - make 2009 a great year. Here’s how:

• Identify and remove obstacles. If it always seems like you have something you have to do before doing it, then you probably need to re-evaluate and get rid of your obstacles to sex and intimacy. Perhaps it’s too much TV or internet consumption; perhaps it’s household chores; perhaps it’s stress and fatigue. If you can eliminate or de-prioritize even just one thing and move sex up the priority list, it will happen more often. And I guarantee that after getting some more lovin’, you won’t remember why you cared that much about getting the dishes done in the first place.

• Expand your definition of sex. If the thought of going into the bedroom, taking off your clothes, and going through foreplay tires you out before you even get to the intercourse part, perhaps you just need to expand your definition of sex play. Mutual masturbation, kissing, oral sex, massage – there are a number of ways to be sexual with your partner that don’t involve intercourse. Remove the pressure that sex is a lengthy, time-consuming endeavor, and make your sexual interactions more playful.

• Take turns. More sex does not have to entail both partners all the time. The focus can be on just one partner or the other a few days, which will simultaneously take off the pressure on both people to get off and keep the desire and momentum going in your sex life.

• Self-service. Masturbation is also a good way to get off more frequently, especially if your partner’s libido is lower than yours. Use the alone time to explore different ways to get off, and those creative juices will get you going with your partner, too. If you feel comfortable, communicate with your partner about what you fantasize about when you masturbate, and next time around they may just be in the mood, too.

• Think dirty, act dirty. The shortest path to more sex is thinking about sex more. While you’re running reports at work, drift off into your favorite sexual fantasies, and share what you’re thinking about with your partner. Your brain is your most powerful sex organ, so use it more often.

• Just do it. Don’t overthink it, and don’t wait to be overwhelmed by desire. If you want to have more sex, just do it, even if you don’t totally feel in the mood. Your body will catch up to you, and will crave sex more frequently if you have sex more often.

The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I could distinctly tell I was in the mood. I hurriedly brushed my teeth, checked to make sure the doors were locked, and headed to bed – too late. He was already asleep. So I reached for my favorite self-service device: my backscratcher.

Surprised? Well, don’t be; everybody enjoys a good back rubdown. It happens to be my favorite thing, which annoys the shit out of my husband. I beg for backrubs like he does for blowjobs, with about the same success rate. Is there a correlation? Absolutely. Once that silly man figures out that rubbing my back is the fastest way to get me in the mood, he’s going to wish he hadn’t spent so much time complaining. To him, it seems like work. And it is. But once his big hands are on my skin, massaging out the stress of the day, I get all tingly down below. Sometimes you have to give to receive.

Let me explain. It’s fair to say that men think about and are ready for sex more often than most women. It isn’t fair that that’s the case, but that’s another blog post. Men tend to clumsily ask for sex when they’re in the mood, and yet dismiss any clues as to what would get her all wet and ready as work. But it’s precisely what your lady friend asks for that is annoying to you that will get her ready for sex. Maybe it’s doing the dishes after dinner, complimenting her appearance, giving a little affection, or just a nice backrub. Women do like sex as much as you do, it just takes a few extra steps to get there.

You think it’s annoying when she asks you to pick up your clothes off the floor? So is your constant boner. But if a clean bedroom puts her in the mood for romance, pick up your damn clothes and put that erection to good use already.