There have been a lot of rumblings in the blogosphere regarding the site Make Love Not Porn that came out of the TED Talks last week. The site tackles misconceptions that come out of porn and compares them to “real-world” sex scenarios in a cute, web-comic format.
The site attempts to show that the possibilities of sex, and the roles women play, are much broader than what you see in typical hard-core porn. And many of the graphics/posts have a solid nugget of truth to them.
A number of criticisms of the site suggest that it holds a stereotypical view of porn, limited view of sexuality (hetero), and makes generalizations of its own. The most notable and effective critique is probably Lux’s at Fleshbot. And all these arguments are totally valid. It’s just those critics, who have healthy, open-minded views of sexuality, are missing the point: namely, that many people don’t. So while they have the ability to deconstruct a new website, or any other form of media, most users aren’t consuming with the same critical eye.
Just a glance at the comments on Make Love Not Porn illustrates this point. Amidst all the comments that say the post is sexist, obvious, and a generalization of the porn industry is the dude who says, “i like to do it [facials], my girlfriend doesnt, i will normally blow my load in her face or in her mouth when she isnt expecting it.” Um, really?!?! Okay, so I don’t know how sincere this comment is, but I do think that the comment is representative of what some REAL PEOPLE think out there. And the site is trying to target those people.
To make a generalization of my own, I think there is a gaping void between the exciting discourse that is happening amongst sex bloggers and the lack of (healthy) discussion about sex among “the masses.” Make Love, Not Porn might be an effective tool to fill in that void a bit, or maybe not, but I think it’s target audience is not the sexual intellectual elite (er, though it did come from TED).
If generalizations about the porn industry are a consequence of potentially teaching people that the sex they see on screen isn’t always real, or the only way that sex can be, then I’ll take it. I similarly don’t have a problem blaming the fashion industry for negative body images women have, even if every person in the fashion industry doesn’t perpetuate those standards. The lack of media literacy and consequences to our sex lives (among MANY other things) are harmful enough that I’ll respect any attempt to reach out and re-educate (hello Dove commercials!).
While I think it’s important to raise awareness of the variety of porn available, I also think that it’s okay if that is Phase II of the porn literacy lesson. Phase I: Don’t even think of cumming on my face without permission.
I missed the Grammy’s last night since I don’t have cable, so I decided to make some up music awards all on my own. In honor of Valentine’s Day this week, I’ve come up with some sexy, romantic, and rocking tunes to get your groove on to.
And the award goes to . . .
Best Overall Sex Song for Hipsters: Sex is on Fire, Kings of Leon. Lyrics like, “If it’s not forever, if it’s just tonight/ Oh, it’s still the greatest,” make this the perfect all-occasion sex song. You can play it for a lover, play it for a fling, or play it to the partner you think gave you chlamydia (er, your sex is on FIRE).
Best Determined Unrequited Love(r) Song: I Will Possess Your Heart, Death Cab for Cutie. If stalking is at the top of your Valentine’s Day plans, then this tune is perfect for you. Gibbard sings, “You reject my advances and desperate pleas/ I won’t let you let me down so easily” with such tenderness, it’s almost not creepy.
Best Sex with Lava Lamp On Song: Electric Feel, MGMT. This trippy, poppy track can make you want to f*ck and dance at the same time. I suggest you start stripping when you get to the line, “Standing there with nothing on/ she gonna teach me how to swim.”
Best Booty Call from the Club Song: Lollipop, Lil Wayne. This song is great for grinding in the club, or for groups of girls to dance suggestively to while fellating their beer bottles. Either way, this groove could pave the way for a booty call or extra lover on the side. Just remember, “Call me so I can make it juicy fo ya.”
Best Stranded On An Island Song: I’m Yours, Jason Mraz. While this genre isn’t exactly my cup of tea, I would totally listen to this song if my Valentine’s Day plans included a getaway to the Caribbean. Imagine relaxing in the sun on the beach with your lover, margaritas in hand, and hearing “Scooch on over closer dear/ And I will nibble your ear.” That’ll do.
The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #159? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom.
This Week’s Picks Sealing the Deal
“A hand reached down and grabbed my chin firmly, pulling it up to get a look at my face.”
Wait for me on your knees.
“She’s not scared or wincing but open and accepting, drinking in the sensation.”
What DO Women Want?
“This cultural context also means that what research describes might not be how things actually are, but how the current culture is shaping them to be.”
See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
So, I creepily recalled this childhood expression the other day, and of course thought of its sexual implications (occupational hazard). Touches that are light as a feather CAN make you stiff as a board, and not in the unfortunate dead way. Why not try out different pressures of touch and sensation this weekend? Here are some tips:
Light as fingertips: Use just the tips of your fingers to trace the lines of your lover’s body, moving in an unexpected pattern. The gentle touch and the anticipation of where you’ll go next will drive your partner crazy.
Light as air: Softly blow on sensitive areas, such as the ears, neck, and nipples. Alternate between licking and blowing to heighten the sensations.
Light as a feather: Use an actual feather to tease your partner. Amplify the excitement of your gentle touches by blindfolding your partner beforehand.
