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Until about 6 years ago, I didn't really finger the women I was with sexually. It was laziness for the most part - I've always been a bit "mouthy" and preferred going down on a woman. Plus, it was MUCH EASIER to make a woman orgasm that way. But there was something else that stood in my way (besides the laziness)...
I didn't feel COMFORTABLE fingering a woman because I didn't have any fingering techniques.
From the time I first started hooking up with girls, fingering just seemed awkward to me. I never really "got it" and most of the time I couldn't make the girl orgasm - and if she did orgasm (after a long and arduous fingering), I never felt like it was satisfying.
Without any fingering techniques, I felt like a complete failure when I would try to finger a girl. I don't know if you guys have felt this before, but I would get a pit in my stomach (and I would be totally turned off) when a woman would ask me to finger her. I felt pretty comfortable in my performance in every other area but fingering a woman was not my strong suit.
So with my total lack of fingering techniques - I QUIT.
...I know how that sounds. To the women it sounds selfish and to the men it sounds like I am quitter. But I got to tell you that since I didn't have any fingering techniques to call upon and please a woman - the experience was altogether EMBARASSING.
SO, HOW DID I START LEARNING FINGERING TECHNIQUES?
Honestly, it was by accident. I had just started dating Holly (my wife) and she did something that changed the way I understood how to finger a woman.
In the middle of us making out, she pushed me back from her... she already had her top off and she pushed her back to the wall. Then she slowly took down her panties and spread her legs.
That little strip tease was good enough for me, and so I went in to re-engage. But she told me "no," to just sit back and watch her.
Other women have masturbated in front of me before, but what Holly did was put on a class - class on fingering techniques. It might have been the first class I have gone to where I never wanted it to end.
And it wasn't just the visuals - she was talking to me the whole time and guiding me through how and where to touch her. I didn't even need to take notes, the images of her fingering techniques were burned into my memory.
A couple days later, it was time for the test - could I use her fingering techniques and give her the orgasm she gave herself (or better)?
And if I was to tell you when I started learning fingering techniques, that was the moment.
Because after I was able to replicate her basic fingering techniques and make her orgasm - and not feel uncomfortable and awkward - I wanted to learn more fingering techniques and become a master at fingering a woman.
What I am about to share with you is the first lesson that Holly taught me on fingering techniques...
These 7 "magic" fingering techniques will teach you not only how to finger but, more importantly, how to finger with confidence (something I had always been lacking).
7 "Magic" Fingering Techniques to Make Her Orgasm
The fingering techniques below should read as a step-by-step guide to finger a woman. Feel free to mix things up, but these are the basic techniques to follow - and they are guaranteed to bring your woman to a satisfying orgasm and make you feel CONFIDENT when fingering a woman.
A few things I should mention...
First, every woman is DIFFERENT. Not every woman was built the same way, and what really gets them to orgasm hard is up to the particular woman you are with. Learn your woman's body - learn what she responds to and TALK to her so you can find the EXACT fingering technique that makes her orgasm intensely. Find out what rhythm and intensity she likes.
Secondly, if you are new to fingering a woman OR if you are looking to build confidence with these fingering techniques, one of the most important things is getting a woman in the right position to finger her. The basic position you want to get the woman in is to have her lie on her back, have her knees raised and her legs slightly spread. This gives you a pretty clear runway to get the job done. You should be comfortable as well and able to move your arm and hands freely.
You could also use a favorite position of mine (even to this day), and have the woman sit up with her knees bent and legs spread slightly. Then you sit behind her, your legs on the outside of hers and have her lean back into you. Ideally, you are facing a mirror. I like this a lot because as you are using you're fingering techniques, you are able to not only see all of her, but you get to feel her body push into you as you finger her in the way she likes.
Let's get to it...
- Fingering Technique #1: Use Lube!
Ok. When I was younger, I used to have this impression that you only needed to use lube when you were doing a bad job and not getting the woman hot and wet. WRONG. Honestly, that mentality is such bullshit I can't even begin to explain. Lube is important - it ENHANCES fingering a woman even if she is already wet. But honestly, most girls aren't wet from the get-to - I don't care how hot or suave you think you are... use it or lose it [the intense orgasm].
- Fingering Technique #2: Massage Her Vulva
You probably think that once you get a girl naked and in place to finger her, that it's time to stick your fingers inside her. Well, you are wrong - in fact, once you learn and practice these fingering techniques, you'll think of that idea as almost offensive.
You need to learn these fingering techniques to EASE into fingering a woman. Massaging her vulva gets her body comfortable (loosens up muscles and gets her BODY hot) in order for you to take it to the next level. Place your hand over the whole pubic area, and gently massage her vulva in a slow circular motion - and put some pressure on the area (but not too much). This process teases her a bit (she looks forward to what is to come), but you are also stimulating her clitoral legs (yes, this is an actual thing). Her clitoris is like an iceberg - most of it is underneath the surface and it branches out like roots. When you rub her vulva, you are indirectly stimulating her clitoris.
- Fingering Technique #3: Stimulate the Clitoris
Now we start to dig in to the nitty-gritty. Since you have been massaging her vulva and stimulating her clitoral legs (and you have lubed her up), not only should her vagina be wet but her clitoris should be sticking out slightly.
At this point, you should spread her vaginal lips slightly and fully expose her clitoris. Once the clitoris is fully exposed, you want to gently rub it in an up-and-down motion (up being the top of her body, down being towards her ass). Start off gently and see how she responds. For some women, direct clit stimulation is too intense, for others, it's the best way to get off.
- Fingering Technique #4: Tease Her with a Clitoral Orgasm
To be clear - I am NOT saying to make her orgasm at this point. I am saying to try these two types of stimulation (besides the up-and-down) - and that these fingering techniques will really make her feel like she wants to orgasm. So you want do them, feel her reaction and then back off - we have other fingering techniques to get to and you don't want to make her orgasm yet (the longer the wait, the bigger the orgasm).
Another technique to try is to tap her clit lightly with your fingertip. And guys, when I say "tap" I mean it - don't slap the thing. It is a gentle tap to give an instant burst of stimulation. Go any harder than a tap and you'll soon be having a restraining order being served to you.
Gently roll her clit between your index finger and your thumb. This one really depends on the girl - I have had women that find this fingering technique irritating and I have had others that felt like they were going to squirt after thirty seconds of doing this. Feel your partner out - if she doesn't like it then go to the next step, if she loves it, then tease her with it for awhile (but don't let her orgasm).
- Fingering Technique #5: Massage Her Vaginal Lips
So we have applied lube, massaged her vulva, and brought her "up to speed" with an enhanced clitoral massage - not it is time to focus on the actual vagina. Now, I know that she (at this point) is ready to receive your fingers (inside of her) but let's be a bit more suave than just shoving fingers in her. Let's make her feel like she NEEDS to have your fingers inside of her.
We can do this by massaging her vaginal lips (the outer rim of her vagina). Do this for about 2-3 minutes and, if she is a vocal partner, she will be pleading to you to put your fingers inside of her.
- Fingering Technique #6: Finger Her Vagina
Ok... now it is time. You have primed her, got her wet and she is begging for you to finger her - well, there is no better time than the present. It's time to finger her vagina.
Here is my only suggestion on this fingering technique. Tease her... don't just go all the way in right away. Go in a quarter of an inch - pull out, go in a half inch - pull out... you get the idea. The vagina is most sensitive in the first 1-2 inches, so depth isn't as important as stimulation in the opening area.
Oh... and don't "finger fuck" her - which is to say, don't finger her with fast, jabbing motions. Take your time and go slowly - you don't have to go at a turtle's pace, but just don't finger her like you are tapping the "A" button while playing Nintendo.
- Fingering Technique #7: Touch Her G-Spot
I know what you are probably saying to yourself - Jason, you've shown me some great fingering techniques and I followed along, but now you've thrown in the mysterious G-Spot. I am not going to be able to follow this fingering technique because I don't know where the G-Spot is and everyone tells me it's nearly impossible to find.
Ha!
Listen... the myth of the elusive G-Spot is the biggest lie that men tell each other. The G-Spot (just so you know) is EASIER TO FIND than the clitoris.
You want to know how to find it?
When you are inside a woman, fingering her, all you need to do is "hook" your fingers upward and forward towards her belly. Her G-Spot is on the front wall of her vagina... simple to find and believe me when you move towards it - there will be no mistaking you found it. The texture (feeling) of the flesh is slightly different, and if she enjoys G-Spot stimulation (some women don't), her response with completely change.
Once you have hit her G-Spot, what I find the best to do is to put pressure on the G-Spot and then "vibrate it" like your fingers were a human vibrator. Again, every woman is different, but this is the way I have gotten the best response.
That's it - those are the basic fingering techniques that I have found work "magic" on women and get them to orgasm every time. Keep in mind that when you are performing these fingering techniques that YOU need to be part of fingering process - what that means is that you need to be EXCITED and emotionally into it. She will feed off of your energy and your energy will help her get wet quicker and orgasm harder.
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