whoopie school

Just as I was about to finally take a stab at writing a post on my sneaking suspicion that polyamory is the new bisexuality in terms of sex trends, I came across Brian Alexander’s prediction that 2009 will be the year sex trends will die. Phew, that definitely saves me some time. Though whether I’m right or not about the trendiness of polyamory, I doubt that discussions about and the effects of sex trends are going away anytime soon.

To do my best paraphrase, Alexander suggests in his article that we’ve starting churning through sex trends as quickly as fashion trends, and that the resulting overkill of this hypersexual age will ultimately render talk about sex boring. He predicts that 2009 will be the year that we’ll get over all the fuss about sex and get on with our sexual lives in private. His argument is expansive, though I can’t say I was persuaded to buy his prediction.

Sex-As-Trend and Pressure to Conform

He says early on that sex trends create pressure to conform:

While more information is good, sex-as-trend imposes pressure to conform. Never heard of a sex toy called “The Cone,” never been flogged by a dungeon master, or have yet to invite six strangers over for a little observational masturbation, also known as a Jack and Jill? How square. Hipsters have been so busy mining every tiny seam of our erotic underworld for nuggets of obscure novelty, and then feeding those nuggets into the crusher of pop culture, that those of us who have yet to attend a CFNM — Clothed Female Naked Male — party can feel hopelessly mainstream. (OMG!)

OK, so maybe peer pressure exists when it comes to sex, even after middle school. In my experience, a sex act became a sex trend when it suddenly seemed like everyone was talking about it, doing it, or rebelling against in the same window of time. In my case, it seemed like suddenly everyone was bisexual in college, and, five years later, suddenly many of my coupled friends were experimenting with swinging (hence the aforementioned potential post). While there are many variables that can explain this perception, the effect of “the trend” is the same. Is there pressure to conform? Well, sure, for some, to varying degrees. We look to peers and trendsetters alike because we want to feel “normal” and “cool,” especially about our sexuality. It makes sense that talk amongst our peer group, or the “popular kids” we look to, whether they be skinny-jeaned hipsters, writers at Glamour, or God himself, about what people are doing sexually will create some pressure to conform, but also curiosity, or even repugnance. These reactions alone are not going to eradicate talk of sex trends; we talk about sex to feel more comfortable, and to better understand ourselves.

Which is why I was surprised that  Rachel Kramer Bussel at the Lusty Lady (where I actually found the Alexander post) disagreed with the impact of sex trends. She says:

Maybe there is “pressure to conform” and I’m blind to it, but I don’t think so, because in order to feel pressure, one has to feel insecure in one’s position on some level. I guess it’s better for me to speak only for myself, so I’ll say that I could care less what other people are doing in bed or out when it comes to sex.

Don’t we all, “feel insecure in [our] position on some level,” when it comes to sexuality? I mean, we grow up with so many conflicting messages about it, it’s impossible to not be affected by the cultural, religious, educational and gender factors, to name a few, that we’re subjected to. But this is precisely why I think Alexander’s prediction is going to prove false: we look to others to normalize, to know we’re not alone, and to feel okay about who we are.

Sex Trends and the Hypersexual Age

Alexander goes on to say that the hypersexual age we live in will further contribute to the end of sex trends. He states, “True sexual invention is practically an oxymoron and fashion has turned sex into pop style with such ferocity we have begun to mistake riffing for true creativity.” Yes, yes, yes, but . . . what time period does that statement not ring true for? OK, so 80s fashion has been “in” at least three times in my lifetime; swinging made a comeback, too. Perhaps we burn through trends faster in this information age, but we’re not doing anything new. The relationship between sex and pop is pretty inextricably linked, and dates far back to before the internet.

Less Talk, More Sex

Alexander concludes his post with this sentiment:

Rather, people are going to choose their own sexual paths but not talk about it so much. Some will choose abstinence until marriage and monogamy and intercourse strictly for procreation. Others will experiment and explore. To each his own.

So from this point forward, people are going to disregard external messaging about sex and forge their own sexual paths? Right. If there is a nuclear holocaust and all communications with others are cut off, that might happen. Short of that, sex talk and sex trends are here to stay. People talk about sex trends for a lot of reasons, some of those even sinister, but ultimately talking about sex is the only way we have to undo all the ways we’ve been conditioned to think about sex.