Will Guitar Hero Ruin Your Sex Life?

Friday night I was getting ready to go out, when I thought some lovin’ might be a nice warm up before the night began. I stepped out of the shower and did my best saunter into the living room nude to proposition Jason. I leaned against the wall, accentuating my serious curves, and asked, “Do you want to fool around?”

Jason looked at me, looked at the TV, looked back at me and said, “Maybe after a quick game of Guitar Hero.”

I looked at him, then down at my naked self, then back at him. “I want to play too!” I threw on a t-shirt and grabbed my guitar.

From what I gather from friends, we are not alone in our addiction to Guitar Hero. Our friend Kara said, “David never played video games much. We went to a party where everyone was playing Guitar Hero. David didn’t play, but he watched the game all night. The next day, he bought an X-Box and Guitar Hero III. Now he plays from the moment he gets home from work until we go to bed.”

Guitar Hero, as anyone who has ever played knows, is like crack. Delicious, dizzying crack. But what impact does such a drug have on your sex life?

The pros: Guitar Hero does have some merits. Given Jason’s athleticism, strength, and general boyishness, there is nothing I can play and beat him at. Until Guitar Hero. We are now fiercely competitive with each other. He tears through guitar solos better than anyone, but I burn him on rhythmic straightaways. I don’t know if it’s the intense competition or surging testosterone, but I get a little turned on every time I beat his ass playing Boston’s Peace of Mind or Bloc Party’s Helicopter. And I can tell by the tension and frustration he exhibits during our games that he’s ready to go by the end.

The cons: Even if raging Guitar Hero battles get you all worked up, after hours of blinking dots on the screen and cramping chords you’re more likely to have a seizure than you are to have sex. Plus, there’s always the “one more song . . .” plea that usually goes on long enough to tire out even the most tenacious of partners.

Conclusion: It’s best to enjoy Guitar Hero in moderation, and save some of that energy and aggression for the bedroom.