There are a few things women can learn from men about sex, and one of those things is to be a little single-minded about it. It seems that when men are in the mood, everything else becomes secondary. Body odor, guests, the Super Bowl – these things take a back seat if there’s a possibility of sex. Not so with women. Many women focus on all the reasons why it’s not the perfect moment for sex, instead of the one reason that it is – namely, that you’re about to get laid.

I know this because I am guilty of it. I have suddenly “had a headache” when faced with a sexual proposition because there were chores to be done, makeup to be applied, or people to worry about. And I’ve learned that more often than not, my worries were ridiculous, or at less important than an orgasm.

I don’t buy into the myth that women don’t like sex as much as men. I do, however, think that women have less permission to experience sexual desire in its most messy, untimely forms. So I say give yourself permission to get your groove on, and don’t let petty excuses get in your way. There’s plenty of things to consider when it comes to sex, but a fresh pedicure shouldn’t be on the top of that list. Here are 10 bad reasons to not have sex.

1. I haven’t shaved my legs. It’s a lot of work perpetuating the myth that women are hairless, and it’s okay to take a day off.
2. I didn’t brush my teeth. He probably didn’t either.
3. The laundry isn’t folded. It will be more fun to do after you orgasm.
4. We only have 10 minutes. You better get started then.
5. The kids/dinner guests/in-laws are in the other room. Make sure there is Disney/wine/more wine available, and then do it quickly and quietly.
6. I’m not wearing sexy panties. It would be great if every sexual encounter corresponded to cute bra and panty day, but they won’t be on long anyways.
7. I’m not in the mood. Ever. Women’s sexual desire can be complicated. If you haven’t been in the mood for sex in a long time, you may actually need to have sex to jumpstart your libido. Or visit your doctor.
8. I have cramps. That’s too bad. But an orgasm will lessen the pain.
9. My belly looks jiggly. If we waited until we had perfect bodies to have sex, 99% of people would never get laid.
10. We’re not in the bedroom. Great! That sounds fun.

There are, of course, plenty of good reasons to not have sex. Here are a few.

1. I’ll have feelings for what’s-his-name if we do it. No one wants to be in love with a guy whose name can’t be remembered, so spare yourself the heartache and skip the casual sex.
2. I don’t have a condom. Safe sex is a perfectly good thing to wait for.
3. I don’t know where I am. Sweetheart, lay off the liquor and call a friend.
4. I’m about to cheat. Monogamy isn’t perfect; neither are you. But you should probably take pause before you cheat on your partner and consider the consequences, and why cheating is appealing to you in the first place.
5. I have a headache. It’s perfectly fine to not be in the mood. Or to opt for reading another chapter in your book or getting an extra 30 minutes of sleep.

Sex isn’t only the stuff of fairytales and romances; it can be messy, spontaneous, imperfect … and still a really good time. Don’t let worry over imperfections keep you from experiencing sex in all its forms.

There are a lot of misconceptions about sex that are passed around the school yard, the family tree, the locker room, the hair salon, and even the church picnic. One of the biggest distributors of sex myths is porn. It’s not the porn’s fault, really. Porn is intended to be in the realm of fantasy, but in a society where there is a lack of good sex education, porn seems like the real deal compared to the dry, repressed, and even false information young people get from families, school, and church.

Porn appears to be real bodies doing the real deed, so it’s much more interesting than its textbook counterparts. It takes a lot of time and re-learning to realize those bodies aren’t so real (and certainly aren’t average), and the real deed very often doesn’t look the way it does on film. And while the internet has created a market for more variety in porn, there are enough porn cliches that have entered the collective mind to create some lasting sex myths. Here are 13 myths about sex that we got from porn.

1. Deliverymen and repairmen regularly get laid by horny housewives. Wouldn’t everyone want these jobs if that were true?
2. 10 inch cocks aren’t that unusual. Except in real life. Penis size varies.
3. Women are hairless down there. Not without a lot of work, irritation, and makeup to hide the ingrown hairs and razor burn.
4. Condoms aren’t necessary, not even for gang bangs. Um, yes they are.
5. Women want men to ejaculate on their faces. Does your facial minimize pores and wrinkles? Then I don’t want it.
6. Anal sex is easy and painless - it just slips in! Anal sex can be enjoyable, but it takes a lot of prep and a lot of lube for it to be anything less than excruciating.
7. Women orgasm easily from jackhammer sex. It’s all about the clitoris, baby.
8. Men take a long time to orgasm. Only in fantasies do women come in minutes and men last all night.
9. Women always have screaming orgasms. Hint: it’s creepy if a man is totally silent while the woman is screaming like a dying animal.
10. A man can easily handle more than one woman. Hey, there’s no shame in trying, but there might actually be something wrong with you if you can boink 3 women with one erection.
11. Cunnilingus is better when your face is 6 inches from her clitoris, and your tongue is long and pointy. Cunnilingus for the camera is the least pleasurable act there could be.
12. From behind is the best sex position. Doggy style seems to be the grand finale position in most porns. It’s not always in real life.
13. It’s easy for women to deep throat. Not many women are into gagging blowjobs. Just sayin’.

There is a lot of variety in the desires, turn-ons, and pleasures of real people during real sex, far more than in any porn catalog. Don’t limit your experiences by buying into sex myths that you picked up in junior high from porn. That way, if you ever do come across that mythical ten inch cock or woman that loves facials, you’ll appreciate it all the more.

Summer is the sexiest of seasons, and to prove it, the sex gets hotter in the summer as well. It’s like Spring is the long tease before everyone just takes their clothes off and gets busy already. And indeed, the summer brings bare skin and a burst of activity – biking, swimming, vacationing, hell, even sun-bathing is a verb. If you need further proof that sex is just better in the summer, here are our top 9 reasons.

• Bare skin. Did we mention bare skin? Right, we did, but it’s worth mentioning again, because summer brings a festival of flesh barely covered in tank tops, skirts, swim suits, and flip flops. Even if the thought of wearing a bathing suit makes you cringe, you have to admit it’s pretty fun to take in the eye candy on the beach. An ordinary trip to the grocery store becomes a feast for the eyes - muscular shoulders in t-shirts, lean legs in skirts, and hard nipples in the freezer aisle. And all that bare skin gets you, and keeps you, thinking about sex all day.

• Everyone looks more fit. While we’re all out and scantily clad, we are also probably at our trimmest for the year. Many people are more active in the summer, so even if that doesn’t mean you’re sporting six pack abs, it does mean you’re likely to have more energy and a higher libido, which definitely helps your sex life.

• PDA is more acceptable. Whatever your position is on PDA, we collectively give people a little more slack in the summer when it comes to public affection. It’s like we all get that the less clothing means higher arousal, and we tolerate what everyone is getting up to in the park or on the beach.

• Sunscreen massages. We’re all about safety first, so a day in the sun should always begin with a sunscreen rubdown. And if getting rubbed in all those hard to reach places turns you on, there’s no need to rush into your swimsuit. Just make sure your sunscreen is waterproof.

• Freezable lube. Yes, there’s such a thing as freezable lube cubes, which got great reviews by Thursday’s Child, and yes, they’re perfect for summer sex.

• Fresh fruit. While fresh fruit is usually known for it’s taste and nutritional value, in this case, it also adds to the sexiness of summer by making sweet, juicy mouths for kissing.

• Vacation sex. Summer is the season for vacations, and vacations give us lots of time to enjoy relaxing, no-rush sex.

• Pool toys. Even though you’re spending more time outside, you don’t have to leave your favorite vibrator indoors. There are a number of sex toys that are water-safe, so you can still have all the fun you’re used to inside, poolside.

• Summer is fleeting. For those of us who live in seasonal climates, we know that summer is fleeting. And like an affair that you never want to end, but know it must, you savor the moment, and experience sensations more intensely, all because you know it is coming to an end.

Other seasons bring their own pleasures, but sex in the summer is certainly greatest. Don’t miss out on any of those 9 reasons to have great sex this season.

Image courtesy of alecani used under Creative Commons.

Whether the dire economic situation is curtailing your travels or you just need some time off at home, staycations are the way many people are using their vacation days. If relaxing at home is your vacation goal this summer, there are still ways to have sex like you’re on vacation, even in the same old bedroom. Try some of these tips to have hot, carefree vacation sex in your own home.

• Morning Sex. Nothing says “I don’t have to get out of bed for anything” better than morning sex. Morning sex affirms that you can take your time getting up, and helps start the day off in a relaxing way. So start your staycation with a morning shag. And go ahead and fall back to sleep. Because that’s how vacations are supposed to be.

• Ambiance. If being in your usual space isn’t exactly turning you on, invest in a new set of sheets and some candles to up the romance factor and make your room feel like new. Candlelight, especially, does a great job of blocking out the laundry that you haven’t put away so you can pretend room service has taken care of your mess.

• Massage. If you’re used to rushed quickies after The Daily Show during your M-F grind, then use your staycation as a chance to pamper each other. Give each other sensual massages. To add some imagination and island-flavor, put cucumbers on your partner’s eyes and let them fantasize that you are an island pool boy there to satisfy every desire.

• Clothing optional. Imagine you were at a posh hotel and hang out in robes all day. There’s no rush or pressure to get dressed, so keep it as skimpy and comfortable as possible.

• Cocktails. Just because you’re not on a tropical island doesn’t mean you can’t drink like you are. Mix up some dark & stormys or mojitos for a tropical feel.

• Food. Grill up some romantic finger foods, like grilled pineapple and shrimp, and simmer a pot of mussels. Or skip the cooking altogether and get some oysters. The sensual experience of eating with your hands and tasting all the flavors will help you slow down and savor the moment.

• Music. Put on some sexy music, or try some light reggae or jazz fusion to add some island ambiance.

• Get outdoors. You may not be on a secluded beach, but you can still figure a way to get naked outside. Have a deck off your apartment? Drape the railing with some fabric, put pillows on the ground, and curl up with your honey without the neighbors knowing. Got a backyard? Get a hammock you and your partner can snuggle up on under the stars. No outdoor space? Set up a picnic on your living room floor, and leave the windows open for a summer breeze.

• Unplug. Do not check work email. At all.

With a little attention to detail and some creativity, you can have a sexy staycation that is both affordable and relaxing.

A new sexuality study in Psychology Today suggests that many women experience arousal after sexual activity, not before it, contrary to the belief that desire precedes sex. This sort of generalization might be insulting if you are one of those women who are down for quickies and get wet at the sight of buttocks in a pair of tight jeans, but for many women who have felt their libidos lagging behind their male counterparts, the implications are comforting.

Psychologists have long used male arousal as the defined norm of desire, so when women didn’t experience desire in the same way, they were considered to have a problem. Therefore, as many as a third of women were considered to have deficient arousal responses.

But this study suggests that women simply have different arousal systems, and in fact it is normal for many women to experience arousal after sexual activity has taken place.

Contrary to the conventional model, for many women, desire is not the cause of lovemaking, but rather, its result. “Women,” Basson explains, “often begin sexual experiences feeling sexually neutral.” But as things heat up, so do they, and they eventually experience desire.

While the study results aren’t true for every woman (or man), it would be less frustrating for a lot of people to understand that we all experience desire differently.  And if the study results ring true for you or your mate, there are some easy tips you can try to improve your sex lives.

For Women: Just Do It Already. If you’ve been waiting to be overwhelmed by desire before you give in to any sexual contact by your mate, then, according to the study, you can just exhale. Brad Pitt folding your laundry in the nude is not going to turn you on if your arousal doesn’t work that way. So instead of waiting to be turned on in the way your partner seems to be, you may want to just start fooling around and see if that doesn’t get you going. Now, I’m not advocating doing anything you don’t want to do, I’m just encouraging you to do something you think you don’t want to do, but will probably find soon after that you want to do it a lot more.

For Men: Take Your Time. If your partner doesn’t get turned on by the sight of you naked or the mere mention of doing it, then you need to do a little bit more work. Take your time with foreplay, explore her body beyond her breasts and genitals, and you will likely find a horny sex kitten inside your normally disinterested spouse. As a bonus, taking your time will prolong your erection and make for better orgasms for you.

Understanding that you and your partner may feel desire and arousal differently is a great starting place to work on trying to meet each other’s needs and wants.