Woman Myths: 7 Things You Don’t Know About Women

I wanted to write a follow up to Man Myths, a post in which I discuss the gender stereotypes I’ve un-learned about men, with a similar post about woman myths. This proved to be much harder than I expected, and a raging hangover didn’t help.

First of all, there are no many nauseating myths about women, that’s it’s hard to do a “top” list. How do you organize it? Top myths that make it seem okay to pay women less? Top myths that make violence against women tolerable? No. I’m just not up for the sort of bra-burning rage that it would inspire.

Then I found that when I proceeded anyways, my “myths” were a lot more personal – less “woman myths” and more “if you make this assumption about me, I’ll punch you in the balls.” But, like I said in my last post, that’s sort of the point. Every gender norm that I defy is one that many other women out there do, too. I assure you that I’m just not that atypical.

So, despite these challenges, I’ve come up with my 7 things you don’t know about women. If it saves just one man from getting punched in the balls for believing in stupid stereotypes of women, than it will be worth it.

• Women really do like sex. Women like sex, think about sex, and want to have sex, yet this myth persists that women are always withholding, and men have to beg for it. This is the reality: women like sex. Now, if your value and character as a person was measured by whether or not you consented to have sex, you would be a bit confused about your sexuality, too. This is not biologically determined, though; it is definitely man-made.

• Not all women like romantic comedies. Here’s a bit of anec-data for you: the ratio of men to women I know that like rom-coms is 4:1. Ok, so maybe that just means that I know 4 dudes that love romantic comedies (including my husband) and only one woman who does (my sister, ugh). While this may go against gender norms, it makes perfect sense to me. In romantic comedies, the guys get to be losers, dorks, or assholes, but in the end they always get the girl. The woman, on the other hand, gets to sometimes not be really skinny. Boring, yes, but it suggests that these movies are made for men, really.

• Women do need you to find the clit. This isn’t some bullshit to make female orgasms more complicated; it’s quite simple. The clit is the female penis. I’ve cited the stats about the female orgasm before, so I’m not going to get into numbers here. Just know that intercourse in most positions does very little to stimulate the clit, ergo it needs to be touched, licked, sucked, vibrated, etc. for most women to orgasm.

• Women are not turned on by cars and money. Unless you’ve got a pic of Brad Pitt naked in your wallet, there is nothing in there that is going to turn me on. Cars? Seriously, I wouldn’t be able to identify a nice car if it ran me over and I had to fill out a police report. Are there some women out there who care about these things? Sure, they suck, and there’s a few in every bunch, but the women I know don’t roll like that.

• Women don’t always want to “make love.” I’ll admit it – I’m a sucker for romance, foreplay, and long lovemaking sessions that take up the afternoon. But not always. Sometimes I just want a quickie, and frankly resent when I need to involve a guy at all when I can probably take care of things better and faster myself.

• Women grow body hair. Women, like men, grow hair on their bodies. Now, we all have different thresholds as to how long we grow it before we do or do not decide to remove it, but if you are ever going to be intimate with a woman on a long-term basis, there will be a time when she is unshaven. Get over it.

• Women can be as dirty as men. You can take this one however you want - whether it’s that a woman can do tequila shots until she passes out in her vomit, eat hot dogs using pizza slices as the bun, or ask to be spanked during some kinky sex. Just don’t buy into the assumption that all women are prim and proper and repressed, or you’ll be in for a fart-ripping surprise.

There are plenty of other things you don’t know about women (or men, for that matter), but the great part is that you get to learn a lot from the people you meet, date, and love, assuming you’re not so narrow-minded. Not to end sounding like a PSA, but gender stereotypes hurt us all (this is your brain on gender norms - any questions?).  Maybe we’re not all completely unique like snowflakes, but I don’t think we’re as predictable and boring as the stereotypes we create for each other, either.